Yep . . . So, So Happy

I finally went to a therapist- it was interesting. It was also several months ago, but I lately have not been awake at four thirty in the morning and given time to ruminate over...
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Waking Up From Depression . .

I've spent the last four years in a numb, depressive state that eventually piqued last month- I ripped skin off my face and laid down on my bed for hours- I couldn't eat or drink for...
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I Live Too Much In The Past .

I feel guilty that I'm not as young as I used to be, that my mental health took such a significant downturn for so many years, and now I'm here at what I hope is the precipice of my...
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Need To Call My Grandmother

I haven't contacted her since we moved, in April . . . yes yes, shame on me. I just hate talking on the phone, and I don't want to talk about myself at all. What the hell is there to...
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An Over Used Phrase, But

the guilt really is eating away at me. Guilt for a lot of things, but particularly lack of employment. I've never had a paying job, but the social anxiety of recent years is just . ....
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I Miss The Person I Once Was

and despise her simultaneously. That is all. S**t, forgot about that 20 word rule . . . I also started crying in a library the other day- I hadn't been to the library since we...
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Well, That Joy Was Short-Lived . .

One of my cats suddenly lost a line of fur along his hind leg six weeks ago, but it didn't really look that bad, so we decided to not stress him out with a vet visit, because he pees...
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I Have Made So Many Mistakes

I may not pay the price for them every day, but I'm reminded of them often enough . . . I don't know when I'll learn that every move I make will lead to another mistake. I'm so...
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So Here's How The Text Convo Went:

HER (my older cousin): Hi, we're going to visit grandpa tomorrow, you should come. We'll be by at noon to pick you up, ok? . . . first of all, no. I'm going to visit him in a week...
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I Really Can't Believe That There Is No

public transportation here. I just can't stop finding fault in this place, why am I constantly so dissatisfied with my location? There's nothing wrong that I didn't already anticipate...
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My Cats Are Better At Getting Into A Closed Room Than I Am C:

Fred watches me open doors, closets and cabinets, then does his darndest to imitate me. My mom is FINALLY becoming okay with them though :) they're really beginning to grow on her! So...
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I Think I Need To Reset Myself

back to factory settings. Erase the mistakes of the last five years, let myself feel freedom again. I really didn't appreciate it at the time. I can barely remember what it was like...
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I Yearn For Times That Weren't Even That Great . .

I think it's because they're safe, tucked in the past, and I know now, in retrospect, that things were going to be okay for the person I used to be. I miss you, old self. To be fair,...
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I Think Only Animals Can Love You Unconditionally .

I think that approximately 20% of my life has circled around anxiety and fear, 10% around self hate and insecurity, and the remaining 70% around pleasing others, because if I didn't...
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So I Adopted Two Cats . .

Everything is different, but nothing has changed- anyone else know that feeling? We moved and are living in a house as opposed to an old, small apartment for the first time, so, what...
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I Found My 2nd Grade Yearbook

so, like a healthy individual with nothing better to do *sarcasm* I decided to Google some of my friends from that particular school. I'm not on social media so nothing very...
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Moving To A Small Town

Metro Denver isn't New York by any stretch of the imagination, but where I'm moving now is so. Much. Smaller. I've lived in various denver suburbs my entire life, except for a nine...
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What's Wrong With Me?

I hate this so much, I hate the thoughts in my head, I hate this feeling of pressure every time I wake up, I hate this feeling like I'm being pulled lower and lower and lower into...
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Fell While Getting Out Of The Shower

. . . gravity, you fickle b***h. Was that necessary? -_- I'm fine, but what an interesting way to be reminded that I really, really, REALLY need to clean the bathroom floor. On...
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Online Tests Are Probably Not Worth Losing Sleep Over

but every one I've taken recently says I display definite symptoms of bi-polar disorder. Interesting. I don't actually take these "am-I-actually-manic-depressive?" or...
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