Then, leaving my apartment today, found a handwritten note taped to my door.
"Hope you feel better, Muffin. Have a good day."
Then he drew a tiny heart.
Kid. . .
I'm not claiming that to be the aim or lying to myself. The only aim is to do whatever I want, get as much in time (and sex) with him as I can before he goes, and that's either going to be the end of it all, or it's going to be the beginning of something that, don't worry, even I know won't happen. I'm just allowing myself to attempt to find an in to his affections (which I know won't work) one last time.
No, no I'm not, nor do I want to be.
I have less than a month to take whatever I can from him, and however I want to, while he's still around. That's basically all I'm saying. If I want to do the girlfriend act or be whatever extra I am in order for me to enjoy him better, it's for my own short-term benefit.
Oh, f**k it. You know what? I'm just going to play my game hard and do whatever it would have been in my nature to do to win this guy over. if it doesn't work, as it never has, then, SO WHAT? The guy is leaving! Who cares? I set myself up with him nicely for who even knows what anymore? What does it matter if you make a horse's rectum out of yourself now that it could be done with forever? Show him what he's been missing out on this whole time, rub it in his face, then give him no more.
Step up the game to the max I can play it, whether he likes any of it or despises it, then send him on his way thinking whatever the hell he wants to. One way or the other, if he's so happy out of desperation to get far away from me, or wallowing in desperate misery of what he left and cast aside, I make this promise: I'm going to make that boy wish he'd never been born.
Game. . . right. . . on.
And, what do I have to be indignant about, and how was I otherwise insulted?
Some turd posts absolute nonsense about loving me for eight years, which could rather be upsetting, as I knew it was hooey (you don't love someone you've never met, for starters), then a week or two later, turns around and calls her a terrible person (as she's needlessly beating herself up for feeling like one, btw) for not swooning to some sexually objectifying, pressuring, creepy and desperate walking gnome with sociopathic traits, because you relate to him. Kind of f*****g sick.
You think this is anger? Again, have you not read anything from my past here when I actually had a temper?
I am passionate and indignant when I'm purposely being insulted and not heeded when I'm right on the money. That's all you're witnessing, but this isn't anger.
And, you claimed to have been in love with me for eight years, but you still prove with every comment you make, that you never really read anything of mine.
I have never claimed to have all the answers. I have often posted how I've been wrong about something, and that I like to be proven wrong if and when I am. I have often written about enjoying a bit of humility, and that's proven by the fact that I write of my shortcomings and flaws just as much as anything else, as I have even done on this very post! When I'm wrong, I have admitted it, and I have apologized. What the hell were you basing your eight years of "love" on? It was obviously nothing I had written, as you seem to have never read me, because I'm writing no differently than how I've written in the past, but suddenly, you don't know what you saw in me? I've always been doing my thing here, just like this. And, several times, you would absolutely have read that I don't have friendsies on this website, nor did I come here to make any, which makes the fact that I have acquired one or two in real life anyways from being myself on here kind of kickass. If I'm backed by anyone else here, it's because what I've written resonates in truth, not aimlessly because I'm a popular fan favourite. I'm not, as you should very much know after eight years. I don't have a false sense of security. I'm just very right when I'm right, and this is one of those times. It just happens to be you, this time, that my undesired scawwy truth is directed to, and you don't like it because you don't like the implications of what my being right means for you. That's all.
Yeah, so I'm right. You're just a pathetic whiner. You have never both known actual personal rejection, nor have you ever read a damn thing of mine. Real rejection comes to you at every angle, at every moment, right down to what you'd even consider supernatural, to where you're left to fully believe (and to add to even more rejection, no one would believe your examples as to why, nor understand, because nothing close to it has ever happened to them or any "normal" person on earth) that you're God's punching bag solely for his amusement. You obviously have no f*****g idea what you're talking about when it comes to rejection, or you wouldn't even bother mentioning something as insignificant as being "attacked" on a stupid website as an example if you've experienced anything even close to it, because it would be the least that would ever happen to you within the day or even hour. You have no idea what it really feels like to lose, really lose. You are just decidedly a weak person who chose to feel sorry for yourself and caved and gave up entirely for less reasons than others who refused to stay knocked down no matter what.
I'm not giving you worthless platitudes, I'm giving you survival tools as someone who knows better and has experienced more rejection than your little bubble mind has the capacity for, and you're too stupid to even see that it's one of those things that I mentioned that you could use to your advantage. Plus, check out this case in point: The more you whine about your rejection, the more pathetic I see you as, and the more rejection you're getting. Throw your hands up and give up on life, you indulgent, weak little voluntarily victimized crapbucket. Real rejection wouldn't give you the luxury of being able to do that, because it's too busy not leaving you alone to the point where you'd either kill yourself or figure out how to conduct your life differently in order break yourself free from its relentless torture out of sheer desperation. If you are lucky enough to have the option to give up, and actually do so, you deserve the rejection that will come your way for choosing to do so all the more. It's fair, very fair, indeed.
Now look at you, posting elsewhere about rejection. I bet you have no idea what real absolute personal rejection actually is or feels like. The fact that you think I don't, completely proves that you haven't read a damn thing of mine. Eight years, my a*s. And, you have the nerve to say you know one single thing about me? What a whiny piece of insult you are.
What happens to all the rejected in the world, you ask? They accept themselves all the more, respect themselves, find their own value and go for the gold in life, anyways. Sitting in a corner feeling sorry for and b******g about your rejected self is the pathway to even more rejection, as anyone who has actually been through real rejection would know and would have learned.
We all have advantages in this life. I would never be apologetic for mine, because they are blessings that I'm thankful for, they are the things to concentrate on and develop. Realize what yours are, and create a world of win for yourself! No one else will nor can do it for you!
Maybe the best of all worlds doesn't exist for you, but it does for me. Have fun settling for less. I will have fun not settling for anything but.
I find it pretty effing hard to believe that you've read eight years worth of my past arrogant cuntfacery and rebel without a single cause keyboard warrior slinging over the years, and thought I was somehow swell back then, when it's been only recently that I've chilled out and started being much less attack-y. Yeah, still pretty sure you're just a-trollin'.
I'm a fantastic person, and perfectly happy all on my own. Even though I wasn't attracted to him, I did try to give him a chance. This guy tried to make moves within less than a half an hour of meeting me. Yeah, he's real swell. Awesomely respectful to boot, huh?
I really don't care what you say. I've previously only ever been with, and been in love with, "nice guys", quiet, shy, virginal, etc., (all those typically unattractive guys that most guys say that girls don't go for) who I've had to "grow" into attraction to, and they all eventually crushed my heart, too. At this point in my life, I am allowed to be picky and finally be with someone who I am firstly attracted to for a change. You're not going to get anywhere trying to shame me for going for what I want. Feel sorry for the shmuck all you want. His desperation reeked and was all sorts of deal-breaking. Plus, the way he joked with me was by "tricking me" (flat-out lying) to test my trust and gullibility for his amusement, which is essentially a sociopathic trait. He did this more than once during our brief time together. I'd be absolutely brain-dead stupid to ignore such red flags after the crap I've gone through in life.
And, yes, only people who can live up to my expectations will be allowed to be in my life, even friends. I would only be unhappy in this world if I settled for less. And, since I surprisingly enough DO have some friends, all only amazing, and since I can live up to my own expectations, these people do exist out there, and they're the only people worth associating with.
Why don't you also feel sorry for the drunk neighbour across from me who I refused to open my door to and meet a month ago, who now screams vile obscenities and death threats outside my door whenever he drinks (which is almost always, day and night), who, though I've never seen his face or said a word to him, and though he's never seen mine, I have to file a restraining order against? I didn't give him a chance, either. Poor fellow, I'm sure.
For someone who is supposed to have been in love with me for the past eight years (Nash: I knew that was just an unkind troll post) you sure have a psychopathic way of showing it. Guess you're one of those people I wouldn't have ever given a chance to, and how right my instincts would have been!
Ah well. You grow, you learn, and you either get better or move on to something you're better at. :)
I can tell that the point of this has nothing to do with the writing or story, but to carefully switch the gender each time Alex is addressed. I don't know why that's worth showcasing at all, as it only makes the thing even more intolerable and insipid to read. Gimmicks are useless if the product doesn't stand alone without them.
Absolutely not. You know what you can and can't handle, and you know where he stands. Definitely don't stick around hoping his mind will change. It won't. Not for you, and you don't need to adopt that kind of rejection. Be nice and good to yourself (because no one else will better than you can). So, only associate yourself with those who see you as the most, and who are exactly what you want them to be, friends and lovers alike.
Wow. I just got it, now. I confess, I really didn't understand what the heck you were going on about, didn't make a lick of sense, was incorrect or confused rambling, but a year later, makes perfect sense. Is completely on the mark. Precisely to the letter, played out that exact way.
I've made up my mind. Cakes don't get sweeter with time, either.
Knock. The fücker knocks on the door. I can't cut this off!
Yup. Her toenails just stepped out not but five minutes ago, and here he is, asking if I finished my painting.
Do not respond. Donotrespond Donotrespond Donotrespond DonotrespondDonotrespondDonotrespondDonotrespondDonotrespondDonotrespond.
Please stop now
I actually am very grateful, moreso now after the fact than at the time, and the more I think on it, the luckier I feel. It adjusted my attitude as a pedestrian, actually, which I needed.
I don't want to be here because nothing will ever come out of it. I never get actual help in these kind of matters. I'll either get fine on my own, or I suffer with whatever comes of it. Even if I went all the way to go through whatever recovery I'd potentially need to go through her insurance, I'm sure something would happen as always that prevents it from actually happening.
He can't believe no one stopped or called the cops. I can! It's the same reason why being here is pointless! It's the reason I'm waiting in here alone! It's the reason why I scared HER, why she didn't see me, why this is not my first time being hit by a car. I'm the type that people hurt, not help, if I'm not right out invisible.