And, It Starts Again

I wasn't wrong, before. I was meant to be here, but I think it's to fight what I didn't fight before, to fix what was always wrong. To succeed in breaking the blockade. THIS is the effing barrier, it was since childhood. The real problem I've always had is staring at me in the face. No more guesswork required. It's so obviously Psych 101 that it's embarrassing. Now is my time to finally fight it and win against it. There is no other choice, and I am not failing. Not this time.

I Think It's Time For Me To Win Something

There are some people who cannot bear a party of pleasure.

Life Of Regret

So, just be selfish and happy, then. As long as you keep it to yourself and not involve or include anyone else, it hurts no one and why not choose to be alone? People are so disappointing and fail you, eventually making you miserable, why even bother with 'em. I've observed enough to know that the selfish ones are the happiest. . . somehow.

You Love Charm

Blaming the victim is what sociopaths do to theirs.

Question For Women:

You can do it, but you'll come off like every other guy who does this, and the message translates the same to "hi, I'm shallow and superficial and like you for your looks first and foremost". It'd be better to either find something different to compliment (something that is her doing and choice and reflects her personality), or just don't bother.

Hard To Relate

Feel the same way completely

Lee-stepdad F**k Me


Someone missed the lesson from a few secrets down.

Dad Loves My Feet

"I am 16" isn't something that happened, it's something that is. And, as Cynic said, it's not true, otherwise, you wouldn't have even wrote it, especially as an opener.

I Grew Up On Movies

No, her looks and body were adored the world over. Something isn't better than nothing, when that something is fake superficiality disguised and pretending to be love. It's beyond hurtful.

I Grew Up On Movies

What BS. No one loves me, and I'm not fat or ugly. No one ever truly loved Marilyn Monroe, either.

Need Guy Advice

I didn't even read it all. Just caught where you agreed to him that this is casual, then scrolled to where you predictably asked if there's anything more, if he's into you.

That's not a question that someone who agreed to be cool with casual asks.

Here you go: no, you're not cool with casual, you lied, and absolutely no, he's not at all into you. And, you're not allowed to be upset about it whatsoever. It's the pill that you have to swallow for bullcrapping about your own intentions. But, if he were into you, you would know it, it'd be obvious, and you wouldn't need to ask.

I Feel So Alone

People only care about themselves, and that's it. Even if someone gave a crap about you, it's only to serve their own purposes until something better comes along. Human beings are truly disgusting, and should probably be the last things you seek for any kind of dependence regarding. . . well, anything. . . including basic companionship, and certainly never anything so complex as selfless love or care. Effing crap doesn't exist.

The Tried And Failed Method

I know I did not succeed. Hence the title. Tried. Tried, and, failed.

The Tried And Failed Method

Ignoring him without warning isn't normal of me. He couldn't get a hold of me and was worried. More proactive than stalkerish on his part.

The Eternal Loser

No, it's really not. Not for more than an hour or two. Just a reactive and defying tantrum in response to accumulating frustrations regarding crappy situation and circumstance.

Avoidance And Other Barriers

Anyone paying attention does.

I Got A Problem

Have you cheated in your past and he knows about it? Or, did you cheat on someone else with him or to be with him?

Or, yes, maybe he has a history of cheating, therefore will think that everyone else must also have that tendency?

By the way, three years ain't nothin'. It's actually the average time it takes for the initial infatuation and new relationship/honeymoon brain fog to completely wear off and no longer be the main playing factor in a relationship. But, in the grand scale, three years is a very short amount of time to invest in a relationship. Trust me that it's much better to end it now than 3 more years, or 3 more after that, or 3 more after that. When things start going off in a relationship, things don't reverse, they continue to keep going off, so, the time to nip the relationship entirely is in that budding stage, not after it has fully bloomed into the skunkcabbage it is, obviously wilting, having already sucked valuable nutrients from good soil to feed the rotting thing.

Hair Isn't The Only Thing To Recede When You Get Older

Good to know. More motivation to keep my pot smoking days in the past. It could also be due to a misaligned bite, which I have from late-teenage orthodontic work. Could be a couple of other things, too. My dentist suggested that the one tooth may be from the frenum pulling my gum beside it. But, I'm glad it has been caught early and that I stopped smoking, so if it was due to that, it doesn't need to progress.

The Game Is Too Tempting

I was getting there on my own, just my immediate reactions are still operating under my old programing. Even writing about it is feeding into it and the distractions I'm attempting to eliminate. This character building crap is a pain in the butt, full of temptation and doesn't come overnight, though. I need to be pushed and tested to achieve it, I know, as old habits die hard.

The Game Is Too Tempting

Ah, Jesus H. C! Today, 3 more arse-kissing texts from Dillon. 6 attempted phone calls from what I think is my childhood friend who I saw again at his father's wake this week, 1 text from the dying cook who has been chasing me for a couple of years, and more texts from Derek, venting off more stories of his life's woes, still with no apologies, and certainly not at any point since our parting having asked a thing about how I've been. Literally, he knows absolutely nothing about me or what's been going on with me for three weeks, I haven't said anything, he hasn't cared to once ask. What an atrocious human being. I wasn't again bugged by Steve to hang out today, but that was last night. Honestly, this s**t is a little WAY too much, ridiculous, and so f*****g stupid. What aren't people getting? Not a damned one of you is interested in helping me to improve my life so that I may one day sooner rather than later be in such a position as to be mindnumbingly bored as yourselves and be able to afford to play with you. But, no. All people want to do is talk at me, use me, waste my time, or suck my spirit, while I'm over here f*****g struggling to pull myself together. No one cares to help me, so why don't they just be honest about it? Those that say they do, simply don't. And, I'm just sick to death of it. If I'm stepping myself up, guess what the people in my life are going to have to do in order to get an in with me? Why do you people who don't want to help, want me not to help myself, either, and attempt to break my focus? It's f*****g sick, really.

No, I'm not going to play the stupid game with Dillon and Derek. I'm just not going to contact Dildo when I said I will this week, very much like what he always does to Derdick. There. Played a game. Cost me nothing of myself to do it.

Oh, and that childhood best friend who tried calling me 6 times today? First person to ever play psychological mind games on me and break my innocent trust and scare the hell out of me. If we're going to seriously backtrack here to get to some real answers about myself.

I just want to seriously hermitize.