Wow....

So I'm basically a weekend away from my birthday and trip.I know that technically I still have thursday and friday, but meh.Those feel short enough.

I'm not feeling so happy though, because at the moment I'm feeling like a piece of shit, and suicidal/self-injurious thoughts are on the edge of my mind.I have a lot of things to do, shopping and cleaning and what not, but maybe I need to add to that list doing something to help lessen my feelings that I don't deserve any of this.

I mean really, I'm not living.At the moment, this is largely about school, and how I'm pretty much just treading water instead of really being active.Work is the same way, I've been aware that I should be looking for a new job for the past 2 years.Social crap.My mental health hasn't changed a whole lot, though at least I finally got drugs.
And it doesn't change, I feel stuck, I freaking fail at life.So what's the point? I shouldn't get to have adventure, I don't deserve it.I don't deserve life, considering how much I fail at it.

So, yeah.Job search isn't really going to happen in the next two days (suppose I could check over resume...), most of that isn't.I'm thinking positive human interaction (like usual, right?) and taking care of some school stuff might be a requirement the next couple days though...so that hopefully I can get back into a good mindset before my week of awesomeness starts.

(PS don't bother telling me not to cut or kill myself.I'm not at a point where it's an issue).
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rosyowl8
just think weekend of awesomeness
days leading up to weekend of awesomeness
corndogs!

and slurpees
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fourfourtyfour