Why am i plagued by nostalgia

Every time I play kid cudi, korn, or another melancholic band I get a literally overwhelming sense of nostalgia.i wish I was I kid again where I was just happy and care free.i wish I was ignorant.

i kid you not, sometimes when I play some of these...

kid cudi - the prayer
kid cudi - mr.rager
korn - i'm hiding
korn - alone I break
korn - no ones there
and a couple more...

i literally become suicidal.it's like it bypasses what my counselors call my shell (the tough guy act) and just affects me...it's very scary what the music can do to me.i once heard the prayer while coming down off adderall and almost killed myself...

even when sober I get suicidal thoughts.i guess it's true, I never truly healed.i covered the pain up and hid it with the attitude to the point I myself believe that i'm happy but deep down inside myself all the experiences i've had in life still haunt me...

best stay away from these songs, I know that "the shell" is the only thing keeping me here and I can live with that.some things in life, you never get over, you just live with.permanent scars.but I can't give up, suicide is for those who can't develop the shell...

wow I should change my username to theturtle.
Like
0
Report Abuse
mylo
the whole rape thing remember?
Like
0
Report Abuse
mylo
You're not insane. You're just human.

It's the same way with me. I listen to some songs, and they can completely change my mental state.

Maybe you are worsening things, if the music affects you so much so that you're suicidal. So like you said, you shouldn't listen to them anymore.

What happened recently?
Like
0
Report Abuse
Crxfmxhn
so i am insane... in a way it's like i have bpd... i'm usually a hateful bastard who just wants to get in trouble but sometimes something, in this case the music, draws out the hurt part of me...

i feel like i'm worsening my own psychological problems... i was diagnosed with clinical depressive and ocd, and now i think i'm developing personality issues as well, must be due to the trauma i went through recently...
Like
0
Report Abuse
mylo
Mhm.
There's walls that are put up to stop the hurt from happening again.
Like
0
Report Abuse
Crxfmxhn
lol i like turtles :p

no but seriously, in a way all abuse victims are turtles :o
Like
0
Report Abuse
mylo
turtles are pretty awesome
Like
0
Report Abuse
Crxfmxhn