I was exhausted, but I wanted to go for a walk and try smoking a bowl in the middle of the field at the park beside my block, see if it was a good spot or not to adopt on the regular to indulge. Surely, I'd be alone. I've long ago written this neighborhood off as decrepit and deserted.
I felt so tall, taller than I ever was, walking down my old crescent. I just OWNED the block, the street, the road, but when I turned the corner, I unexpectedly felt Matt so much, as if I were 19 or so, all over again. I think I'll have lots of Matt feels. It has been so very long, years, since my bothers, inklings, or thoughts had anything to do with him. I didn't expect that last night, and I don't know how I feel about that.
Well, I don't know when in the last 11 years that I've been living elsewhere, that this park started hosting fireworks, but due to amazing luck and fortune and timing, I arrived when they started. It felt like it was meant for just me. The park that I assumed would be empty, was buzzing with several families enjoying the fireworks display. Now, I love fireworks and was a little glum that I wasn't going to be seeing any. Boy, was I ever wrong! The fireworks came to me! They started at one end of the park, and the other end took over with more elaborate ones.
And, they were fantastic fireworks! Almost as good as bigger lakeside displays! I was so amazed, even laughed at the really good ones, just as I have since always. I stayed far back, by the trees, away from the families around the playground. I smoked my bowl, and thought of my old neighour who became mayor of this town, who passed away this January. He would have had a hand in making last night's display possible, to some extent. And, I remembered the fireworks he used to host every Victoria Day right on our block when his family still lived there when I was a young child and was best friends with his son, and how fun that always was.
The better the fireworks got, the more wowed I was, the more I thought that everyone was missing out. Everyone, Derek, Matt, Tom, my old friends, that mayor's son, my nephew who I left back at home and regretted not asking him to come on a walk (but, he's a recovering addict and didn't feel like exposing him to my silliness, even though he's doing wonderfully).
This display was for me. A huge welcome home from heaven.
Then, when the fireworks were at at their best, I thought of the daughter that isn't mine, and how she could have been my Kirby Lee, and that she could have easily been here and mine, and how much I would have loved her. And, I let myself get momentarily ticked off thinking that maybe my ex didn't think I had the capabilities of being a good mother, but I would have been, robbed of the chance to prove this, and, beautiful child, I wish that you were mine.
I think most beautiful was when the fireworks ended, and all you could see in the darkness, were the little sparklers and glow sticks from the happy children in he playground.
I rushed home to spill my experience to the 'rents, then decided to go out again for a couple more bowls, this time to the baseball field a block and a half south.
And, just when I thought that the night couldn't be any more my own personal welcome home celebration sent from above, when I got to the baseball diamond, a group of young, proudly Canadian dudes were starting to shoot their own fireworks right there, too! So, I sat on the bleachers, front row seats, smoked a few more bowls, and enjoyed their display, too, which was fairly decent for civilian efforts. They had at least another box worth of firecrackers left to go, but I completely felt that this was MY homecoming party, that I owned the place, and for the first time ever, left before the end. The sport was at its best, I concluded. And, even if there were better fireworks still to come, I really couldn't have had a better night, and I wanted to wait no longer to go home and write of it.
I took the long way around the block home. Discovered that this crescent seems to have turned into a mix of young NexGens and Oldies, and I can roll with both just as equally! I think there are more single boys in this neighbourhood and my block than I would have anticipated.
Home is looking good.