I'm going to a gyno in September or October because of college, and I'm scared to ask, but I also want to know.My dad would sort of get angry when I would be sensitive changing in front of him.I'd want to go into a different room, but he would say something around the lines of "I've seen you come out of your mother, what difference does it make to you?" This probably most recently happened in early middle school.
There's also another theory I'm kind of working on.When I was a child, my mother was suicidal, or so I think.I may have imagined what she was thinking, but as a child, I don't believe I did.She hated my father.She wanted to get a way, he was physically abusive and also very emotionally abusive towards my mother.She took me to the San Francisco bridge, or some sort of bridge around my area where my father had a workshop.She had tried to find this area where you could drive cars off the bridge and she said that she would have my uncle pick me up.No one knew where she was talking about.I'm not sure if this was something from my vivid imagination, me piecing together perhaps conversation, but I do remember a lot of this.
There was also another event that occurred...I don't remember what, but I do remember that my mother was really pissed off at my older siblings.She took all of the eating utensils that had sharp points, including all of the knives, gathered us all into a room, and said to stab her with the utensils if we really wanted her to die (from stress, maybe?).I remember I was crying a lot.
I'm kind of thinking that maybe what my mother did prompted me towards becoming suicidal.I knew that when my mother was in high school, she also thought about suicide.She took all the pills from her house and contemplated it, but didn't.She may have not directly influenced me, but I'm sure that somehow, those events are linked to me and my psychological makeup.
I'm kind of scared- if I go to a psychologist at my university that I will go to, would he deem me as unstable? Would I get labeled on my record? Am I just imagining all of this?
I hope that one day, I will be able to talk about this with my mother or family, but at the same time, if I do approach them with this topic, would they just stare at me weird and shun me? I'm so uncertain about the social correctness of this, and I'm not sure what to do...