I've spent the last four years in a numb, depressive state that eventually piqued last month- I ripped skin off my face and laid down on my bed for hours- I couldn't eat or drink for I think a couple of days, and I really didn't care. I've always liked myself best when I'm starving, but I don't generally let things get that bad. I can almost always pull myself back to a functional state, but these last few months haven't seen me at my best. And now, for maybe a week now, I feel better. Not happy or optimistic, but better. Less dread, more calmness.
But it's still not resulting in any large change in my habits- I still sleep too much and operate at weird times. I'm still iffy . . . like residual depression. I no longer feel depressed, but it's controlled my habits and thoughts and days for so long . . . I might not feel an onslaught of dread every morning, but I still don't know what emotion I should be having.