My weight is fluctuating. I'm back to the same weight I was a two weeks ago. That's a bit discouraging, but not discouraging enough to make me want to quit working towards a better tomorrow.

Today, I'm feeling sad. I try to remain vibrant - to remember that life is beautiful and that there is magic left in the world, but today, I just feel angry. I feel angry at my loneliness. I feel angry that my ex still infects my mind like a cancerous tumor eating away at me. I feel angry that I never got my closure because he is an a*s. I know I shouldn't feel angry - that I should just let it go, but I am angry.

and then I think -
I'm a good person. I love unconditionally. I help others. I'm selfless as much as possible. I put smiled on people's faces.
I think -
why do I feel alone? why can't I connect with anyone that I can actually see myself loving?
I think -
don't I deserve it?

then I think -
at first I thought. perhaps love is what people should give. it should be given as freely as I give my own but then I realized that. love and commitment and connection are the most precious things a person can give.

and now I know -
I have to be patient. even when I dont feel like it. I have to be patient because -
it'll be worth it in the end.