God was this being who by mistake put me in this awful place and I prayed for death because I couldn't kill myself. However, God didn't take my life, instead he kept cheering me up by placing the right people in my mind and making small miracles around me when I was feeling down (a song on the radio, a conversation on the bus, a smile, an anecdote, etc). I didn't get why was He being so nice to me. One day I went to church and told him: "Ok, I'm listening, what do you want from me, what do you want to tell me". That day I found an invitation to a spiritual retreat. There I understood something, God loved me when no one else did, God loved me when I made all those mistakes, God loved me when I hated myself, He even loved me when I found myself disgusting and pathetic. He believed in me, He cared about me and Hes was there whispering to my ear "you are a miracle, my miracle, I'm waiting for you".