The Game Is Too Tempting

I KNOW I'm just being tested and challenged, I get it. But, this one is tempting.

Dillon, Derek's bestie, of all people, has decided to contact me today after throwing a tantrum about me over the summer and eliminating contact with me.

Now, since I've tossed Derek to the curb and decided that my spare time is to be focused all on me, even to the point of not wanting to date at all, all I've had are people coming out of the effing woodwork to bug the christchurch out of me, including offers to date.

The day after Derek tried to call, I decided that I didn't want to look like a sour b. So, I texted him to make sure whatever he wanted wasn't urgent, that something didn't happen like a grandparent dying. No. He said he called because he was at his doctor's saw me at work, didn't want to bug me, but wanted to "apologize in person" (which he hasn't actually done, yet, btw). I was "oh, well, nice thought, hope all is well". To which he said no, he was walking last week, and HE WAS HIT BY A CAR. Nothing is broken, but his hip is effed and he needs physio and therapy. He's currently a gimp. Now. . . every bit of my ego is trying not to be an arse and rub his face in the karma of this. I was hit by a car, last year, and he was less than sympathetic. I recall him telling me that I walk squirrely and that I should be wearing this, that, and the other ridiculous kind of reflective gear, to basically blame me for having been hit. I walked away from my hit with a scrape and a half-week's worth of aches. He? Not so much. Nah. . . kid couldn't get hit with all his reflective gear that he must have surely been wearing in the dark. LOL. That's what I don't really want to think like. I didn't press on this. I didn't bother responding to him any more when I got the basic gist of what happened, didn't latch on for his plea for sympathy or go Nightingale like I'm sure he wanted. So, again, silence. That's fine by me.

Except, Dillon, today. Although he said that Derek mentioned nothing of me, Dillon's so easy. He was over at Derek's just last night, which he has only done twice since Derek moved in, and he's just texting me out of the blue today, to hang out sometime and apologize for not talking to me anymore, that I'm such a good friend? Finally asking outright if Derek and I are still hanging out. No, that's certainly no coincidence. He sniffed that something was in the air, and he's now coming to sniff around me. What a crappy best friend he is, who has disappointed Derek time and time over. He's been having this p*****g match with Derek over me since this crap between us started, trying to sneak in the backdoor "friend" route with me. He's tried to kiss me on several drunken occasions in the past, ratting Derek out to me to cause a rift between us, all sorts of crap. And, if I share the least of our conversations with Derek and it gets back to Dillon, Dillon freaks out and excommunicates me. Of course he does! He doesn't want his obvious agenda with me to be exposed. It's such a transparent game.

And, a part of me just really wants to play it, to teach these damn fool kids a stinging lesson that will do some real damage and destroy this crappy friendship between them, once and for all. For Derek, to stop associating, forgiving, and putting trust into snake - I mean - fake friends. For Dillon, to not be a shifty piece of crap and use girls to play ego games with himself and power games with his friends. UGH! I'm so tempted.

You effers keep poking the Amy? You're going to force the Amy to go full sociopath in order for her to get some goddamned peace and quiet! Stupid boys and their toys, not knowing that this toy can destroy if she wants to.

Distractions, distractions. Go away, very tempting distractions.
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Mopy
I was getting there on my own, just my immediate reactions are still operating under my old programing. Even writing about it is feeding into it and the distractions I'm attempting to eliminate. This character building crap is a pain in the butt, full of temptation and doesn't come overnight, though. I need to be pushed and tested to achieve it, I know, as old habits die hard.
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Mopy
"And, a part of me just really wants to play it, to teach these damn fool kids a stinging lesson that will do some real damage and destroy this crappy friendship between them, once and for all. For Derek, to stop associating, forgiving, and putting trust into snake - I mean - fake friends. For Dillon, to not be a shifty piece of crap and use girls to play ego games with himself and power games with his friends. UGH! I'm so tempted."

B******t by any other name smells no less foul. The only thing you would end up teaching anyone is that you fall for even the obvious bait, and that you are no better than you think them to be. The minute you have to stoop to their level to "win", you've lost.

Just move on, already.
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Cynic
Ah, Jesus H. C! Today, 3 more arse-kissing texts from Dillon. 6 attempted phone calls from what I think is my childhood friend who I saw again at his father's wake this week, 1 text from the dying cook who has been chasing me for a couple of years, and more texts from Derek, venting off more stories of his life's woes, still with no apologies, and certainly not at any point since our parting having asked a thing about how I've been. Literally, he knows absolutely nothing about me or what's been going on with me for three weeks, I haven't said anything, he hasn't cared to once ask. What an atrocious human being. I wasn't again bugged by Steve to hang out today, but that was last night. Honestly, this s**t is a little WAY too much, ridiculous, and so f*****g stupid. What aren't people getting? Not a damned one of you is interested in helping me to improve my life so that I may one day sooner rather than later be in such a position as to be mindnumbingly bored as yourselves and be able to afford to play with you. But, no. All people want to do is talk at me, use me, waste my time, or suck my spirit, while I'm over here f*****g struggling to pull myself together. No one cares to help me, so why don't they just be honest about it? Those that say they do, simply don't. And, I'm just sick to death of it. If I'm stepping myself up, guess what the people in my life are going to have to do in order to get an in with me? Why do you people who don't want to help, want me not to help myself, either, and attempt to break my focus? It's f*****g sick, really.

No, I'm not going to play the stupid game with Dillon and Derek. I'm just not going to contact Dildo when I said I will this week, very much like what he always does to Derdick. There. Played a game. Cost me nothing of myself to do it.

Oh, and that childhood best friend who tried calling me 6 times today? First person to ever play psychological mind games on me and break my innocent trust and scare the hell out of me. If we're going to seriously backtrack here to get to some real answers about myself.

I just want to seriously hermitize.

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Mopy