I let the abuses break me down over the years until I was a shell of the goddess I had been growing into before. When I was finally defeated by the accumulation of abuse, neglect, and the traumas that shaped my mental illness he left to find something like the glorious creature I had been before him.
I tried to reconcile because I was afraid. I begged for help because I was in need and his response was insults again. I had a religious experience and I offered him a blessing because it inspired me but he used it to try and hurt me. This time something inside me changed and I knew that help was on the way. When my thoughts turned to vengeance or hopelessness I remembered that spiritual experience and shifted my mind to gratitude and strength. The universe smiled back! I’m getting the help I needed for many years and the love we all deserve. Even though the insults and mistreatment linger in my mind and may leave me damaged for a long time, I can no longer feel angry or resentful because they helped me see straight with the guidance of my special experience with divinity. My future is something I can see as another blessing now instead of a horror to try and avoid as I had thought before. I’m dedicating the rest of my life to helping those in need and now I have a shot at making it happen because I placed my trust in my goddess and followed her instructions. I believe, and while it may not be belief that helps anyone else I am even more determined now that I am on a path of goodness and I want to be of service.