In other words, he's not worried, and thinks that I'll mostly get back to myself once I've eliminated a few barriers and bettered my situation.
As for the ex factor, Tom agrees that he's not to blame, but that something in his leaving must have changed who I am. He couldn't offer any more suggestions of what it could be. Now, this is the real problem, and it has been for all these years. I simply changed completely when Matt eliminated himself from my life, and I just can't figure out what it is that struck me so deeply or how to get the hell back to myself. I've come at this every which way I can, from so many angles, and it does me no permanent good. Before Matt left, I would have never been on a site like Secrettalk, doling out some of the attitude I do. I used to be so very sweet and kind, and any kind of abrasiveness bothered and shocked me. Now, I can be a real fucking asshole with a great big temper. I never understood it or why it happened all of a sudden, and it has bothered me from the first day I noticed it. I really don't like it. I've lost people more important to me than him before, so, wtf?