Succussful And Yet Still A Failure To My Parents

Since the age of 23, my parents have been actively trying to get me to settle down, I’m now almost 31 and still alone. In the culture that I was brought up in the idea of dating is a complete no no, you can’t just go and meet someone and fall in love. Instead, you go through a ‘courting’ process where your parents will introduce you to someone, and you meet them and take things from there, if things work out, then you start planning a wedding, if they don’t your parents will find someone else. Needless to say, this process has been absolutely awful. The idea of meeting someone, with a view to marry them is insane, you not only put so much pressure on that person to be perfect, to be your ideal type, but you also put that pressure on yourself. You become so insecure about yourself and the way you look, because that person didn’t like you. I have such a negative view on marriage, most of the married people I know (including my parents) are miserable, they hate each other they constantly argue and bicker with each other. If you look at my life on the surface, I’m pretty lucky, I went to university, I have a great job and I earn a decent amount. However all of that doesn’t matter to my parents, they consider all of that to be pointless without a husband. I have no one I can talk to, my siblings are just as bad, I don’t have any friends I can talk to about it and no one gets it.
Nighttime is the worst, you’re left alone with your thoughts, all those negative thoughts as to why you are still alone, I’m to old, to ugly, to fat for anyone to love me.
Every conversation about marriage turns into an argument with them, they think I’m hiding a deep, dark, terrible secret from them (which I’m not). They can’t seem to understand why I don’t want to get married, when I try to explain my feelings, they think I’m lying or just trying to feel sorry for myself.
The truth is, I would love to fall in love and find someone, but the older I become, the less likely it all appears to become a reality.
Apparently men in my community want, pretty, slim, young things and unfortunately I’m neither of these.
I’ve always had faith that I will find my significant other someday, but that’s not good enough for them. My mother constantly tells me that I’m the biggest burden on her, and once I am settled and married off, she can rest and be happy. She constantly tells me how much I am hurting her and my father and how they spend their nights crying. They say that they cannot even speak to their relatives or extended families, as everyone always asks why I am not married yet, they tell me that I am selfish, that I don’t see how much they are suffering because of me. My siblings will take my parents side and reiterate what my parents have said to me.
I hate this so much, it’s been almost 8 years of the same thing, I feel like I’m in a psychological hell. Everytime, things don’t work out with a potential suitor it’s always my fault. Most of the time I’ll agree to meet someone they’ve recommended just to appease them for a couple of weeks, even if I don’t like them and don’t think it will work out, and when it doesn’t work out, I’m the one that is a liar, for not telling them I didn’t like that person in the first place, that I’m just playing games with them. If I were to tell them that I’m not interested in someone that they’ve chosen, then they’ll argue and ask me what’s wrong with them. If I say I don’t find them attractive, then they start belittling me, with things like, “well, you’re nothing special, who are you to say anything.” It’s true, I’m not anything special, I’m far from special, but if I’m going to spend the rest of my life with someone, surely I should at least be a tiny bit attracted to them.
Sometimes I wish they would just force me to marry someone, it’s not like being stuck in a miserable marriage is something new for my family.
They don’t realise how much they’ve hurt me with their words and actions, they don’t realise that I can’t talk to anyone about anything. I’m just a burden, a liar, a drama queen.
If I ever have children, I will never ever treat them like that, I will never make them feel like they can’t talk to me about anything.
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anonymous user
my husband of 9 years left me just because i could not give him A child, i did all i could to make sure i give him a child, i even went to an extent of forcing him to have sex with me every night but could not work. not until one evening when i was browsing through the internet, i saw a comment on how a woman in same problem like mine was made home by A man called lord amadi . i read about him and decided to contact him for help, i did as he ask me to do but i was still wondering how can someone just bring back my love he don't even know but i keep doing as he ask me to do. i was very surprise one morning my husband came and started begging me to come back to his life. at first i pretend to be angry then i accepted him back. lord amadi also cast a spell for me to make me have children and as i speak right now i am a mother with 3kids. if there is any one out there who needs his help you can contact him through his personal EMAIL: lordamadi@outlook.com.i wish you good luck
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lola333
Phrase for today: age of majority


The age of majority is the threshold of adulthood as recognized or declared in law. It is the moment when minors cease to be considered such and assume legal control over their persons, actions, and decisions, thus terminating the control and legal responsibilities of their parents or guardian over them. Most countries set the age of majority at 18. The word majority here refers to having greater years and being of full age as opposed to minority, the state of being a minor. The law in a given jurisdiction may not actually use the term "age of majority". The term typically refers to a collection of laws bestowing the status of adulthood. The age of majority does not necessarily correspond to the mental or physical maturity of an individual.

Taken from the eponymous Wikipedia article.



TL:DR

You're an adult. Do you. Find your own mate. Or don't.
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Cynic