Stoping The Circle

yesterday we talked about how she does not want to be like her mother and I told her she always was and it's ok. We are who we are and our personality is set by childhood. we can only learn how to live with it in order to function. Then she asked then how can you stop abuse? a family that had violence will have kids that will be abusive and beat their kids and also sexual abuse. it comes from one generation to another. my father was abused by his mom, I by my dad, mom was the violent one from her mom and I am violent and unstable and sexually unstable by both parents. I can easily turn both violent and be a pedophile.
and this is not a maybe, it's a sure thing.
we we're looking for a shirt for an event mom needs to go to and there was an annoying screaming baby that passed near me for a second only, and I thought about how can they tolerate it? I only need to tolerate it for a second but if I had to come home to that I would of killed it in it's crib.
and this is not a maybe, it's a sure thing. I can''t control myself same as mom.
but the difference is, I learned how to live with it and so does she.
we are ok and relatively love each other as long as we are miles apart. mom should never be around kids, never. she can only handle certain situation from afar.
I am same.
the circle of abuse can only be stooped if people start living their own life's and don't let others change them.
mom never wanted kids. dad convinced her from reasons we later on learned thought maybe he wasn't sexually attracted to kids when he wanted kids, maybe he developed attraction to me only at around 6 and maybe never knew he was a pedo but point is.
she never wanted kids and let others tell her how to live life.
I am not violent by most parts and as long as I surround myself and live the life I want with the people I want in it, I am ok.
But if by some mistake I was to have a hormonal imbalance and have a kid, I would of killed it in it's crib and if I didn't and it reached the age of 5-6 when they start looking like fresh clean beautiful almost adults as sexual organs are developed and they begin to be formed for that.
\I can easily see myself developing attraction for kids. so easy. so so easy.
right of now, I am not. I am still only attracted to old people.
But I feel myself in danger and had a dream once about kids, sexually. it could be only fear that made it but I need to be extremely careful.
I will never have kids. am sterile by choice (tubal legation) so am safe from unwanted pregnancy but I am not even allowed to date someone with kids.
it's far too dangerous for me, both in terms of violence, sex, and suicide on my part.
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Fuzzyssad
Sad to say, I'm mentally health trained.
Unlucky mate.
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Alexander123
don't talk about s**t you have no idea about.
use information from f. movies.
stay out f it idiot.
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Fuzzyssad
cynic is not right because he tells me to get treatment when I am already in treatment and have been for my entire life.
he is only doing this to abuse and damage me.
also, he is calling me insane, illogical and using incorrect % statements.
he is incorrect.
don't talk when you have no idea what you are talking about alec.
yot', =cynic, is doing this only to hurt me. he is abusing ,me and trying to damage me as much as he can.
telling me to get treatment and that I am pshycotic like him.
ptsd is not pshycotic and I am not considered insaine. always been logic, always been sane and it's written on all medic files from all years of theraphy and hospitals.
personality disorders can only be manageable not fixed.
I am already required to be on constant medical care because I tried killing myself few times to many and succeeded once and was revived so am considered a sensitive case.
yotam; cynic is only doing this on purpose to hurt me alec.
and you have joined in on abuse.
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Fuzzyssad
This isn't something you can admit to and people turn around and be like, oh, its fine, she's had a dodgy past.
Cynic is right, you did need help. Because "thoughts and feelings" is how Ian Brady and Myra Hindley started out, and they both had horrible pasts, but what they did has no excuse or reason in the real world.
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Alexander123
You're now considered 108% handicapped due to insanity.


Seek professional help.
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Cynic
nope, you're using illogical b.s. and being your usual obsessive self yotam.
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Fuzzyssad
Nope, I'm using something called hyperbole, to stress just how completely insane you are.

People with a firm grasp on reality would have little trouble recognising that. You can't figure it out. Can you guess what that means?
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Cynic
see what I mean? you're ridiculous.
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Fuzzyssad
You're now considered 107% handicapped due to insanity.

Seek professional help.
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Cynic
haha now you added another illogical statement that changes what you stated before.
even your b******t changes.

chose a statement, and stick to it. or else it's even more obvious how full of s**t you are.
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Fuzzyssad
You're now considered 106% handicapped due to
insanity.

Seek professional help.
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Cynic
illogical = insanity =
ergo=you are insane.
but why am I arguing with a delusional person? pointless hahaha
can't believe it took me this much time to realize you are actually insane.
you have some logical statements at rare times which confused me,
but I guess all schizophrenic have rare moments of clearity.
don't worry cynic. we are here for you hahahaha
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Fuzzyssad
You're considered 105% handicapped due to insanity.


Seek professional help.
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Cynic
I am considered 100% handicapped due to being sexual abused.
sexually abused people are traumatized and altered for life.

insane people are illogical people.
like you.
who use fictive lies like the 5% that has no medical proof, to state a point that does not exist.
schizophrenia is insanity.

the only person insane here, is you and you know it.
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Fuzzyssad
You're considered 105% handicapped due to insanity.

Seek professional help.
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Cynic
the only help they can give to personality damage that made person develop in an unusual way,
is support.
that's all doctors offer me.
love, acceptance and the support I don't get from the people around me.
that's all the help they can offer.
prick.
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Fuzzyssad
cynic, are you really this stupid to think this can be changed?

I am considered 100% handicapped due to the sexual abused.
personality is set in childhood.
people who have been abused hard enough, are damaged for life.
you can't fix them.
I am getting medical help and have been my entire life.
all my life was spend with doctors medication and hospitals.
what more do you want from me?
this is the life of all sexual abused people who have been abused at the developing stage in a way that rendered personality deformed.
what more do you want from me?
just how horrible of a person can you get?
people abused at childhood who have a personality disorder that btw, personalitys damage can not be fixed, there is no existend medicatipn for that.
people in this state can't control impulses.
that's why we are considered handicapped for life and get state help
what more do you want from me?
just how eveil can you get?
what'/s wrong wwith you?
just how evil can you get?
how much more?
how much more?
how much more?
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Fuzzyssad
People can. Insane people "can't, because it's impulse".

Seek help.
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Cynic
no. you don't understand.
you can't/ it's impulse.
you can avoid and stop yourself from touching them but you can't stop attraction.
once you start thinking sexually about kids, you will no longer be attracted to adults and that will lead to a very lonely life.
after being alone for 10 years or more, you can't know what you'll do.

the only thing that can be done, is to stop it from ever developing.
never be around kids, never have them, never date someone with kids.

I don't get maternal when I see kids near me as I should.
because I feel 6 years old and always will. I am the kid. I feel a kid when am having sex.
I want to be taken care off.
and kids, it's easier to be attracted to them because adults are disgusting and only use you.
kids are pure. having sex with them is easier on people who we're traumatized enough to feel rejection and disgust towards people.

your dad maybe just touched you. didn't sleep with you or anything else for few good years right?
maybe it didn't affect you enough to change your personality and make you develop as such.
I was.

it's simple really.

I will not become one because I will fight to find an adult that wont use me, someone who will seem pure to me in order to love and take care of me and then I will never reach that state.
as of now I am mostly attracted to 35+ only.
but I am starting recently to feel so much disgust.
I have been alone for over a year and am completely broken after the last a*****e.
Just don't feel capable and as much as I try I fail.
if I don't succeed at finding an adult to trust and only encounter the same a*****e type,
I feel rejection towards adult and after enough years on my own the only thing I will be able to get turned on sexually is kids.
because they are less disgusting and don't sexually use u.
we just seek love.
nobody is bad. pedophiles are just people who are to hurt to connect.
I don't blame my dad and I understand him and I try not to become him but if I fail to find someone I will be him and I see it as natural.
you can never understand my line of thought as you've never been developed in this state, that's why this is pointless but it helps me to write.
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Fuzzyssad
wow, you shouldn't allow yourself to think like this. you don't have to be what your past was all about. my dad did some things but I would NEVER look at a child that way, or touch them in that way. the cycle doesn't have to continue.
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sleepful
You're not sane, and need professional help.

Preferably in a institution that does not let you get on to the internet.
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Cynic