and this is not a maybe, it's a sure thing.
we we're looking for a shirt for an event mom needs to go to and there was an annoying screaming baby that passed near me for a second only, and I thought about how can they tolerate it? I only need to tolerate it for a second but if I had to come home to that I would of killed it in it's crib.
and this is not a maybe, it's a sure thing. I can''t control myself same as mom.
but the difference is, I learned how to live with it and so does she.
we are ok and relatively love each other as long as we are miles apart. mom should never be around kids, never. she can only handle certain situation from afar.
I am same.
the circle of abuse can only be stooped if people start living their own life's and don't let others change them.
mom never wanted kids. dad convinced her from reasons we later on learned thought maybe he wasn't sexually attracted to kids when he wanted kids, maybe he developed attraction to me only at around 6 and maybe never knew he was a pedo but point is.
she never wanted kids and let others tell her how to live life.
I am not violent by most parts and as long as I surround myself and live the life I want with the people I want in it, I am ok.
But if by some mistake I was to have a hormonal imbalance and have a kid, I would of killed it in it's crib and if I didn't and it reached the age of 5-6 when they start looking like fresh clean beautiful almost adults as sexual organs are developed and they begin to be formed for that.
\I can easily see myself developing attraction for kids. so easy. so so easy.
right of now, I am not. I am still only attracted to old people.
But I feel myself in danger and had a dream once about kids, sexually. it could be only fear that made it but I need to be extremely careful.
I will never have kids. am sterile by choice (tubal legation) so am safe from unwanted pregnancy but I am not even allowed to date someone with kids.
it's far too dangerous for me, both in terms of violence, sex, and suicide on my part.