But, I'm back to avoiding my bills and bank account, with creditors calling. I just can't keep up, financially, and I'm scared. I've been spending on health foods, regular groceries, regular medication, and this morning, a long overdue haircut. Like, these are things I need, right now, and I can't help but spend! I've been hanging on by my fingernails, trying to save where I can. I don't even know how bad it is, again, and I don't want to know.
As for Derek and the bedstuff, it's not really all his fault. I don't think he's being terrible on purpose, anymore. He obviously got the hint that I wasn't jazzed about not being turned on, because the following evening, he took a little more time touching me and stuff. I've just never raised my little voice about it, before, nor has he ever NEEDED to do anything for me, nor have I ever given him instructions for my arousal, as it never seemed to matter to either one of us before. Otherwise, things have been stepped up between us. More affection, more regard, and that's real nice! Not nice enough to trust it, of course. I suspect he'll have some secret lady friend over soon to counter and destroy the great groove, to which he won't tell me, to which I'll know all about, to which I'll be back here bitchfacing about it.