Stepping Over My Own Traps

How can I dare to even think of doing better for myself when I remember what horribleness I have done? The more I improve myself, the more I do, the more I'm waking up to, realizing, and regretting what I did as a shittyassed human helpless pukeface. Not that I didn't know I did these things before, even as I was doing them, but becoming better makes having been terrible so much more amplified and horrifying.

On one hand, I don't deserve better for myself, but on the other hand, if I keep neglecting to improve myself, I'll never be anything more than the same terrible person and a burden to the world.

I'm regretting something so much, right now, but if I hurt and cry all day about it, as may be what I deserve, as my old programming would have me indulge in, I won't get anything else done in ways of improving myself, today. No, along with everything else you've ever used as one, you don't get to now use guilt as a distraction from action either, girl. Nice try, though.
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Mopy
Jeez. Thats a lot of self shaming. Whatever you did, people have done far worse than you. You cant time travel so it may help to accept what the past has been. Grudges for yourself or others will only tear away at your relationship with yourself. There is no point to obsess over our mistakes. Which may or may not have even done any harm, Im sure no one else thinks of your mistakes as often as you do unless they are toxic people. I highly recommend you get a CBT app for your device. There are many free ones. It helps you challenge your beliefs and such thought patterns.
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safetynetxo