I need to tell someone this. Last year, on Christmas Eve, I was sleeping soundly, minding my own business. The next thing I know, I start hearing a jing-jing-a-ling. I awoke with a start. I opened my eyes to see big fat jolly Santa Claus with his rosy cheeks, unbuckling his belt. His pants slid to the ground and I saw something that did not resemble a candy cane. Rather, it was a 9 inch c**k. This next part is really hard for me to talk about. Basically, he sodomized me to the North Pole and back, he raped me up my tender young arsehole. Now - the fact that I actually enjoyed it is a moot point - I know it was wrong. I'm considering filing a sexual harassment suit against Kris Kringle. What do y'all think?