Same Butterflies Falling In Love As Out Of Love

They're called butterflies, that fluttery or dipping feeling in your gut, the same as what you'd feel on a rollercoaster or free-fall. You get them when you're in love or falling in love with someone. This is the exact feeling that I also get when I've just been disappointed by that same love at a level that it breaks your heart, because you know that something just became over for you.

I had that feeling in my last two relationships, years before they ended, and they were probably the points in time of those relationships that I SHOULD have ended them. But, being so forgiving and loyal and such, I just trucked on and let the disappointment butterflies accumulate, each instance making the relationships just that much more over in my instincts, if not heart and mind.

I don't even expect anything much from Derek, anymore. So, for him to be able to actually disappoint me is a feat, and to disappoint me to the point of a dipping stomach? That's notable. I can no longer ignore it and truck on like I've done in the past. I'm too aware for that, now, and now know it to be a mistake to continue. I know that I am dealing with the end. And, last night, I was back to silently crying in bed beside an otherwise fulfilled and deeply sleeping significant other. I wanted to sneak out of his bed and house and go, last night.

Although it never really started, although I knew this was all wrong from the gitgo, even though I knew this whole time to end it and have tried to before, last night was the point that it was over in the soul of my infatuation.
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Mopy
Bah. It's not a biggie. I just know for certain that the sex is over for me, which means whatever routine and frequent friendship we have going will be over soon after, as we don't have enough glue elsewhere to keep this sticking together. This whole thing just stinks, but I'm not very upset, probably because it always has stunk and I'm kinda used to it. Plus, I know it's all only going to eventually lead to better things for myself, which could most likely get us coming together in the future, or if not, oh well. I will have moved on and ahead in my life, by then. It's a good thing more than not. I have lots ahead of me and lots to do, and I'm staying focused and am starting to do well and organizing my thoughts and priorities. I want to start making myself as happy and successful as I can get. I'm done with being stuck, and I've found out how I can have power over it and start changing it.
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Mopy
No, butterflies in your stomach is usually pretty different from moths in your spleen. Same general location though.

Different lepidopterans, different organ.

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Cynic