I had that feeling in my last two relationships, years before they ended, and they were probably the points in time of those relationships that I SHOULD have ended them. But, being so forgiving and loyal and such, I just trucked on and let the disappointment butterflies accumulate, each instance making the relationships just that much more over in my instincts, if not heart and mind.
I don't even expect anything much from Derek, anymore. So, for him to be able to actually disappoint me is a feat, and to disappoint me to the point of a dipping stomach? That's notable. I can no longer ignore it and truck on like I've done in the past. I'm too aware for that, now, and now know it to be a mistake to continue. I know that I am dealing with the end. And, last night, I was back to silently crying in bed beside an otherwise fulfilled and deeply sleeping significant other. I wanted to sneak out of his bed and house and go, last night.
Although it never really started, although I knew this was all wrong from the gitgo, even though I knew this whole time to end it and have tried to before, last night was the point that it was over in the soul of my infatuation.