Ramblings . . .

I don’t understand religion. I’ve gone on about my Atheist leanings before, but that’s not really what I’m talking about ...necessarily. It’s something about this time of year. I watch people and I watch holiday movies- and I mean, A LOT of holiday movies, we’re talking Hallmark and Lifetime holiday movies- and it baffles me. Religion, to me, is the equivalent of avoidance. We want to thank and praise something or someone for our good fortune, we praise God, we want to curse something or someone for our bad fortune, we curse God, we desperately hope for something, anything, and we pray to God for it, etc. If we’re looking for the guidance or support that seems to be absent, we go to church, or other religious gatherings. But why? I mean, why in the world would you look for support and love and guidance in something that we really couldn’t possibly prove or, at the very least, understand?

I want support and love and guidance, but I, in my infinite strangeness, have always found religion hollow, and lacking in all the qualities I heard it contained. I’m numb; I find it hard to connect with people, and I put up barriers in all sorts of different forms. I want to change, though, I really do. I want to worship people, in a way. I want to understand people better. I wish that there was a place you could go to find support and not have all that other shit shoved down your throat. I’m sure there are places like that somewhere, but it doesn’t appear they’re very bountiful where I live.

I don’t know ...I’m just strange, I think. It seems more pronounced this time of year.

Well ...boy, if anyone’s actually reading this and made it this far, it seems you deserve some sort of prize. It’s quite entertaining for me; normally I just talk to myself and debate, privately, about philosophical matters, mulling over all sorts of jabberwocky, just me. And my windows and walls, of course ...that’s a song reference, but if you’re normal you probably have no idea what I’m talking about.

And now, just because I CAN (harrumph C: ) I’m going to type up one of my favorite passages from one of my favorite books, for no reason whatsoever.

“Using love as a scientific term produces several types of conflict which we specify here with no attempt at resolution. First, there is the issue of sex and sexual expression: is this an essential component or can love exist totally divorced from it? Second, there is the instinct issue: is love innate or is it an acquired emotional response? Third, there is the problem of the manner or manifestation of the emotions: can the feeling be dissociated from the behavior or does the emotion always contaminate the behavior? Fourth, and probably most troubling to many, is love merely an emotive state that results from particular neurochemical actions and, by implication, crassly manipulable?”
From the PENGUIN DICTIONARY of PSYCHOLOGY; love, last paragraph

I don’t know why, but I just become completely engrossed when I read that bit. It’s fascinating to me.

ANYWAYS ...I guess, if anyone’s still with me >.> happy holidays.

XOXO ...I used to live in an apartment where there was this cinderblock wall built right in front of my bedroom window, and the shape of the holes looked like X’s and O’s. Not important :P
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whatsername
I keep hearing people tell me to look to God to help with depression, or the whole "no atheists in foxholes" bit, but if anything when I'm down is the last time I feel like seeking religion.
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rosyowl8
That's an interesting bit about love... especially the last part...

I've sometimes wished I could get into religion. It never really works.
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rosyowl8
thanks! i love your username too! i almost used that one when i signed up here :p
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GreenDayGurl
@grrrrrrrrrrrrr:
I know, apparently atheism or agnosticism is lonely :/

@GreenDayGurl:
Thank you. Your username is cute, I got the idea for my username from my fave green day song :)
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whatsername
you make a very good point.
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GreenDayGurl
Ikr I've always thought I was alone with this.
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grrrrrrrrrrrr
Well at least I'm not alone! :)
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whatsername
I feel the same way! If i were you I would be like me. Go agnostic. I think there is a higher power but i have no fucking clue what it is. The holidays just make me more and more agnostic.
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grrrrrrrrrrrr