I spent a large amount of money this weekend for both things I need and to treat myself. I felt like I earned it, as I spent much of Sunday doing an old Amy thing with monetary figures and forecasting, and discovered how, if I'm a good girl and follow a few personal rules, I can save $22-$43 per week, every week. That's basically giving myself a raise, so I got some things I've been waiting to get. I've also decided what I want to do with my living room, which means, I know what I want the entire apartment to look like, now. Even if I'm leaving the next year after I finish making it into what I envision, it'd be still nice to have this place looking like all mine.

Derek was kinda proud of me, too. On Monday, he picked me up from work and treated me to take-out from one of my favourite restaurants, "because you deserve it". And, I sorta did. I've been working very hard, lately, have taken some roughing better than usual.

Things are still interesting with him. He bailed on me this entire weekend, unlike the last where I was over for three nights in a row and being treated to fires in the pit and a bit of spoiling. So, who knows what's going on from week to week with us. I no longer really worry about it or get too excited or upset. We are whatever we are, and it's fun when I see him, whenever that is - all the time or rarely - and that's about it. I found myself some great weed and have wonderful times with just myself. In fact, Derek has a stretch of 8 days coming up in a couple of weeks, when he'll be up north moose hunting with his father, and I've been secretly extremely excited about having that time apart. Just to see how life would be without that particular interruption.

But, by myself often also brings the worst times. I've been curbing those more, and when not, I've been writing it out and trying to be easy on myself for the "same-old, same-old" that I will have to deal with for likely the remainder of my life, at the same time, buckling down and focusing on myself, now. Developing myself, finding my identity, living ahead, following a path, that's what brings me out of the wallows when they come on. Forward focusing.

It all comes at a good time. Strapping down comes at the exact same time Derek is doing the same with himself. It must have been only a week ago when he was all self-conscious about his tummy, that puffy puffy beer belly that coupled an already floppy gut. Today, the bulk of it is cut in half. The guy's a beast, has been hitting the gym, eating better, riding his bike, and knows how to get fit in an instant. The changes I'll be making to save some money, will help me to also get healthier and more fit, as well. I'm the biggest I've been since losing all that weight in the first place. It's not that much bigger than usual, but some pants won't do up all the way, now. My bicycle riding and the food changes should find me slimming down, too. I want to keep up a little with the kid. If nothing else, his passion for what he does somewhat inspires me.

He has made his bed way too comfortable, and I've been having the best sleeps I've ever had in my life. We're always awake just before 6am, but he leads us to bed usually around 10:30-11:00pm, so it's enough sleep to stay awake once I wake up, especially the quality sleep I get from that bed. He's been passing out more on me when we're going at it, partly because of the bed, and partly because he's trying to keep up with me in regards to smoking up, and the result is that he gets way too high before bed when I'm at the perfect level. He's about to cut the weed out for himself, again. He can feel the hyperemesis returning, so it's time for him to lay off. Me? Not with this stuff around! I get more done with it than not. I've been up for over 2 hours and it's still only 8:30am. Gonna smoke more of my stuff, make a good and proper breakfast, maybe take a bike ride, and give praise to my basil plants which have been making a crazy comeback from its ill and morose state thanks to the past few days of heat and humidity. Its like they've been raised from the dead! I'm stoked about this. I hope to get more cleaning and laundry done. But, we'll see. It's a fantastic morning!