No Which Way Up

I guess it tells all when screwing leads to me leaving his bed, his apartment, and weeping in my own.

The drugs are gone, the self-destruct and disrespect is over. The distraction is still welcomed, as what is left without it is what was there before. Nothing is better, but nothing about the distraction is much better, either. It tries to be better. The snuggling is more frequent, the talks are more direct. The friendship gets deeper, the situation is completely domestic and routine. But, without the drugs and crappy self-worth, there's nothing that turns me on about the still casual and disconnected sex.

And, honestly, there's nothing better out there. If I end this situation, as I know I must, I'm back to the same state of grieving and being assailed and driven mad by unanswered questions and unresolved matters. God, I'm so sick of that! This is why I endure Derek. He's something to do besides pacing, torturing my mind, weeping. And, I'll be leaving him for no one waiting in the wings, nor no one waiting in the future halls of love.

Although we spoke the other day of how much of a difference there is in me since the summer, and that it's great, but along with being too good for greeting people beaver first anymore, it also now means I'm too good for this situation, too. I just don't want what awaits on the other side, should I end this. But, it's starting to become just as much of a burden as what awaits on the other side.
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Mopy
When you don't learn the lessons you're supposed to, the universe keeps giving them back to you over and over again.

Let's see what advice you would give to a woman, roughly your age, here's her story:

This girl got involved with a guy a long time ago. They got married and she was pretty happy for a while. Eventually they fell out of love but she stuck with it even though things didn't go well at home. Problem was that she wasn't growing as a person, stayed in a s****y relationship because she was scared of losing what she'd invested all of the time and effort into. Fortunately for her, the guy turned out to be an even bigger a*s, their financial situation was pretty much untenable, and the relationship fell apart. Love turned to something like hate. Hate has started fading (years later) into nothing, but it's not quite there yet.

To occupy her time she went looking for a fuckbuddy, and found a couple. She figured out that she likes sex, but stupidly fell in love with someone who she should have just been in lust with. Dude's a bit of a reject really. All her friends tell her that.

He knows that she likes the weed more than she can afford, so he invites her over for drugs and has sex with her. F***s around on the side and lies to her about it. She's got to beg for a little bit of reciprocal oral in bed. She plays the "if I withhold sex I can change the way he treats me" games, but loses in the end because he just does or says what she wants to hear, once or twice, and then goes back to the status quo ante, she proudly marks the events down as "real progress in the relationship".

Looks to everyone else (even those who often disagree vehemently) as though the girl was so starved for affection (and sex) , from the first relationship to the current, that she's accepting being treated like s**t, because she's afraid of not even having that.



So, now that you have heard about this woman, who's once again stagnating in a pretty crappy relationship, what advice would you give her, Mopy?

When you tell me, I will pass the message on to her.
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Cynic
If you can't dance but your solution is watching a poor tv show about dancing day after day, then let me tell you that you are just hurting yourself. Instead you could go find a new passion, explore different hobbies, or try to recover from the accident.
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dreamworld
Say you dedicated a huge part of yourself to dance for all of your life, then suddenly, you have an accident and are no longer able to dance again. There are more things to life than dancing, but it's going to take awhile to accept, adjust, and figure out another life. And, in the meantime, if you find something that almost feels like dancing, could almost be if you can just fool your mind enough, though deep down you know it's not dancing and never will be, it's temporarily easier and exciting to indulge in it rather than tough the reality out.

I'll get there, eventually. Sorry it's annoying.
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Mopy
Can't believe you're still talking about him. Why are guys so damn important? Life is so much more than that.
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dreamworld