Negative Thoughts Are Flooding Back

For years, I have struggled with depression. Always worse in the winter due to my season depression, but I still have struggled with major depression. My parents are blind too it, they have to know I struggle with it but don't do anything about it. I've always avoided suicide, lately though it's gotten worse.

It consumes almost all of my thoughts anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone but I want to be gone. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. I just want to be at my final resting place with no more worries. No more voices circling in my head. No more arguments with whoever.

I won't do it though. It's not that I'm scared to die, because I am not afraid at all. I'm scared of hurting anyone more than I already have. Without hurting anyone, I just want to be gone.
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antisocialqueen
I'm done. Why should I help people when they don't help me in return? I'm tired of getting used.
I'm just done with living. Being a human is pathetic. Can't wait till I'm six feet down. Bye.
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antisocialqueen
Whatever, I'm sick of this. You barely know a thing about me or my parents.
Maybe if you weren't so ignorant you would realize that they practically neglect me so they wouldn't even care if I even tried to "please" them or whatever you are trying to say.
Just f**k off, I'm sick of people like you.
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antisocialqueen
I do agree with what you say on poverty. I am very lucky to even have a house with my parents smoking habit. But the bullying was severe. I used to get beat up and I was always called names. It wasn't the names that got me, but when they would beat me up. Now it has gotten better, but I still get called names.

I am fine even though I have self harmed, even though my scars are covering my body. Only a couple of times I had gone to the hospital for blood loss. Still, I am fine.

Now I used to help others believe it or not. I used to volunteer at the public library and help the schools office with some work every now and then. I used to babysit too, but I don't like little kids. Anymore I have given up on helping. Just been busy with school and trying to pass.
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antisocialqueen
Hmm. Okay. I'll be 100% "real" with you.
I've grown up in poverty my whole life. I've been severely bullied since I was 6. I've struggled with major depression since I was 10. I've struggled with self-harm since I was 12 (I'll be honest, it's the stupidest thing, but anymore it's a habit.). And I have voices in my head always telling me haunting things, messing with me all the time. Never have had a lot of friends. How much more real do I need to be for you to shut up? Geez, I can't get away from the rude people anywhere. Suicide continues to sound like a good choice.
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antisocialqueen
I will ignore Cynic's comment. I was thinking of saying something on how ignorant he/she sounds. I'm not going to stress myself over it. Whoever it is, obviously doesn't understand the struggle of a bad life and having peculiar voices haunting my mind all the time.
Thank you m03bk and Rachael for the kind comments. I am trying my best.
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antisocialqueen
Depression is horrible i know and feeling like there's no one to talk to just makes it worse. It might feel very akward but try talking to your parents maybe they dont know how to approach you. Best of luck to you and im glad that you are not considering suicide. Oh and ignore all the a holes who leave crappy comments, they've obviously never had to struggle with depression.
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mo3bk
I know how it feels, drowning in it. But please keep struggling through it. Who knows, it might get easier once the winter season is over.
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EatMyShorts