So last week my mom texted me, letting me know they had to take my cat to the vet because she had been fighting with some other cats and got a pretty bad infection in her leg. So they cleaned everything up, gave my baby antibiotics and a cast for her leg. She was ok for a little while. Monday night, my mom came home from work and discovered a tumor had formed in the 7 hours she had been gone for work. Worst of all, it had formed in her throat. She couldn’t breathe. They took her to the animal hospital without telling me. I don’t think they had the heart to— things weren’t looking too good. That’s when they discovered she had feline leukemia. They tried to do a surgery to save her, but she just had no chance. Because of the leukemia her white blood cells were low and her body could no longer fight back against the infection. She couldn’t breathe because of the tumors. The vet told my mom she had to make a choice— either put her to sleep while she was still sedated from the surgery so she wouldn’t feel anything or wake up and be scared, or take her home to die a painful death. My mom couldn’t be the person to make the decision, so she called me and finally admitted that Maggie was in the hospital. She asked me to make the decision. I asked if there was anyway I could see her one last time, before they put her to sleep. They said no, because of the sedation they had to do it soon. No way I could make it from work. So they put her to sleep. And now I’ll never see her again. Not even one last time. She’ll never know how much I love her. I’ll never feel her purr against me again. I’ll never come home and feel her rub against my legs. Never again. No more love bites, or cuddles, or me kissing her wrinkly forehead. Nothing. I am heartbroken. She spent her last days in a cast, in pain, instead of playing outside (her favorite thing to do).
But I guess the most important thing is that my baby is at peace now. No more pain. I hope there’s plenty of Cheetos and lunch meat wherever she is. Mice to chase, woods to run in, people to scare— the whole package. She deserves it all.
Unfortunately, when my mom finally called me and asked me to make the decision for Maggie, I was at work and still had 2 hours to go. I couldn’t leave, becuse I wouldn’t have made it to see Maggie anyway and I need the money really really badly to pay bills. So I spent the last two hours at work crying at my desk. I dabbed away the tears and used eye drops to cover it up when people walked by, but I think you could tell when I answered the phone. My voice was too scratchy after all the crying. When I finally got off work, I cried the entire drive home. Went straight to my bed to cry some more. I didn’t stop until after my sweet boyfriend came over.
I wouldn’t have made it yesterday without him. He is my rock. He came over with dinner. Held me while I sobbed uncontrollably. Dabbed my face with a cool, wet cloth and rubbed my back. He calmed me, fed me dinner, cuddled up close and kept me safe all night. I don’t know what I would do without him. He is my everything.