Life Can Be Long

I don't know what it is lately but suicide seems like such a sweet retreat in comparison to my drab "'nother brick in the wall" existence.Aside from the handful of people who acknowledge/regard my life in any kind of sense, I find that life is a constant uphill battle for superficial wants and non-existent needs, none of which I agree with or desire.But we're all forced to live in this miserable society and somehow make the best of a horrible situation, nothing that can be fixed or reversed or erased.Let's face it, there is nothing we can do to return to our natural state than death.We are trapped in this box on this planet and we are expected to do X, Y, and Z before we die, otherwise we are rendered unsuccessful.But my vision of success has nothing to do with money or social status or material things.I want understanding, I want love, I want peace, I want to truly be free, not confined to rules that are conceived by others to be right and wrong.Civilized life, to me, is not what it's cracked up to be and I am at the near bottom of the barrel in an unheard-of town in a state full of snobs and I find myself just miserable.Even when I think I'm happy, it is fleeting, in the palm of my hand only long enough for me to notice it before it scurries away and I'm left in the throws of bullshit and sadness all over again.My life has been average at best and it has nothing to do with a lack of appreciation for the things I have, but the THINGS I have aren't what I want and the people in my life are so clouded and blinded by the current state of humanity that I just plain feel like I don't belong.Anywhere.It comes down to the simple fact that life is beginning to feel more and more of a drag than ever.A literal drag, time is digging its heels into the ground and passing so painfully slow, I can't hardly stand sitting by myself with my mind any longer.I just want an escape, a real escape, nothing like alcoholism or addiction or anything like that.Something that can take me out of this collective state of mind that we should follow this bogus path only to be met by a miserable death.I don't want to follow any path and I don't feel that I should.As a sentient being, like a deer or a beetle or a cat or a person, I want to experience the world by ways which I see fit, I want to observe and understand the ways of nature without having to worry about first world bullshit which amounts and contributes to nothing in the end.And when I think that this whole thing in life, human life, is a joke made up by the government for the means of destroying and dignity people may have in the world, it just makes me want to end the madness and be released from the chains that I never asked for.It was not my will to live in the first place.Life was forced upon me.And I just find that it isn't working out as gloriously as I thought it would when I was younger.I just need help, but there isn't a soul around me to listen to my thoughts, my real thoughts and not just the small talk I'm forced to conjure up.No one cares anymore to me, it seems, or at least no one cares about me.I haven't seen much of the world, but from what I can see, the world is quite ill and it is impossible not to be depressed in such a state of global tragedy.How can anyone stand to live anymore?
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Pairadice
I probably won't. I would much prefer if something killed me.
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Pairadice
Thts a lot of words let's just say don't commit suicide
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lmaoLOLhahaha