You may not want to hear this or even care, but I am still haunted by you. You are a constant in my thoughts and frequent my dreams more than I would like. I still daydream about you scent, your laugh and the crinkle in your nose when you make a silly face. It has been a solid 2 years since you made a brief appearance back in my life but I still feel like I have to live with you every day. I cannot fight the feeling that I still may be madly in love with you. My heart panics with the simple thought of you and my day becomes a nightmare to survive after waking up from a dream about you.
Though I have moved on with my life and found a stable and for the most part happy partnership I feel it would all unravel with the simple sight of you. I hope this does not come off as if I am stalking you or anything. I am merely unrelentingly unwilling to give up of the thought of what we used to be, the weekends we did nothing but entangled ourselves in each other, not just physically but emotionally and mentally. The connection that we shared was impossible and so incredible that I long for a taste of that if even for moment.
That moment is, however, ever felting. In reality it is a feeling I will never have again. Too be fair I highly doubt the moments I replay in my head and in my dreams could even live up to the picture that has been painted. It was so new and so powerful and passionate and mercilessly raw. The kind of love you knew with all your heart has to be real. The kind of love that a cruel world has killed off by false hopes and harsh realities. The kind of love with all odds against it and a person so scared of the truth that he will not pursue. Because he know that in all actuality she doesn’t think of him and even if they did wish the same the mountain they have to climb eclipses the highest of peaks.
So because of fear I live with regret. Because of horror of the truth I hide and because of the judgments of few I cannot be true to myself. I say all of this not as a plea for sympathy or a feeling of sorrow. I say this with hopes that one day when you look back into your past you can remember that for a brief time you truly inspired a flame in someone that, no matter how hard he tried, could not be extinguished.