i'm so lost, i'm dizzy, i'm starting to have a idgaf attitude.I'm not proud of it, but I don't despise it.
There was a time when I wanted to die.When I realised that all these years of childhood, growng up, going to school was wasted.When we are kids we're ignorant to life, we have no idea.
I was sat in the car, mum was walking the dog in the park.
I tilted my head back, closed my eyes, and tears fell.I tried to overdose; swallowing most of the pills in the glove compartment.My ipod in, my favourite song on repeat, I thought of when I was young, when I was innocent and ignorant.I thought about it for what seemed like hours, determined for my last thoughts to be happy.
I didn't die.Thank God I didn't.
Alhough i'm stronger, i'm still incredibly vunerable, maybe I have mild depression that pops up now and again.Maybe it's just being a teenager.I hope it's not; it's an incredibly dangerous mindset to be in.
This is why i'm laid back.I'm going to let guys come to me, but try not to spend my days waiting.
My life is mine.It's mine.I'm going to love the people who matter, hug the ones who'll hug me back.I've fallen hard, but an amazing person once said that sometimes you need to take a good fall, to know where you stand.
I want this time to stay for a while.It's limbo.It's not feeling anything, but having passion for everything.It's identity, but invisibility.It's like being in a twilight zone. I don't want responsibilites; when adults say "this is the real world" It confuses me.
This isn't the real world to everyone. Some people have multiple worlds, worlds where they can escape to, pretend they're someone else. I guess i'm not a realist, but that is one thing I never want to be.
As long as we have multiple worlds, even if they're in your head, that way we're safe. Nothung goes wrong, no-one else knows, they can't interfere, it gives you more hope.
My life right now is hazy. It's nice.