I've dont know the difference between sane and insane anymor

I'm so sick of being told to be strong, because its really hard, I will usually only have one friend I can relate to at a time but then unfortunately I only want to hang out with them because everyone else makes me feel lonely but then they have other people they want to hang out with and gets pissed off when I want to, at the moment I only feel I can hang out with my boyfriend, our friend went into a psych unit on wed (we were both in there together when we were fifteen, we are both nearly eighteen now) I had a really bad day today because I had been cutting and feeling more lonely than I had felt in about two years, and I needed my boyfriend to help me and talk to me and comfort me but instead he just got pissed off and told me to snap out of it, and then got pissed off with me the rest of the day, I wanted to see him today because we had made plans but then he cancelled them and said he had to look after his little brother and sister but then he went and got stoned with his mates too, that made me feel **** because before we had problems where he was being really distance and I was scared he was doing this again because I hadnt seen him that much, I need someone to talk to, well I need therapy I'm meant to have if but my psychiatric doctor keeps telling me to be patient which isnt helping because I really need help but I feel like I dont deserve it or there are people who need it more than me so I dont persist
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skywisher
A dictionary would totally solve that problem.
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Cynic