I used to write poems about you
At like fourteen years old
Only four kisses in
We didn’t know it then
But years of nostalgia
Would unfold
And even as each year passes
And you and I grow old
Not one bit of my heart
For you has grown cold

Even now I know your heart is torn
And as we sat by the water towers
With vibrant green grasses
Brushing against our legs as we walked
I saw something wet upon your lashes
For what felt just like seconds and somehow also like hours
Tears fell from your eyes
And once again my soul was devoured
Because up until then
I had been such a coward
And couldn’t find the words
Or the right time
To tell you
That I’ve been
And missing
And dreaming
Of what could’ve been
And no matter the distance
And what felt like
Your lack of interest
My heart was still devoted
And I now see
It always will be
For that I hope you can forgive me
Because we never even got to be
But you and I acknowledged
In that moment
That regardless
You and I were the realist thing
Either of us had ever seen

For months now I’ve stayed clean
And asked God to reveal wonders
Of His unseen
And in His grace
He has been teaching me
More about His story
And how I get to somehow play a part in that
So I give Him my worries
The biggest one being your brown eyes
The ones that smile bright
And remind me that without you
And before you
I am completely blind
And I ask God to give me His heart and mind
So I can give you to Him
And pray you will meet Him before there is no more time
For you and Him and for you and I

I’m selfish
And I struggle with pride
But God knows for you I would die
And there is no doubt in my mind
You are the only man with which I’d live my life
Besides Jesus, Himself
It’s just you and I

So in the mean time
I’ll give up my life
And think of you everyday
But lie and say
Only from time to time
Because I would hate for anyone to find out that I’m not completely fine
Or for anyone to know that for the past eight years
It’s still you
That’s on my mind
But that’s the truth I’ve come to find
It’s the reason
I stay up haunted
by these silly rhymes
And when it’s late at night
And I miss you
I read them in the stillness of my bedside lamp light
And remind myself that in Christ I will make it and I’ll be alright
Even though you remain at this time
Out of sight
And God knows that makes me lose my mind
I ask for Him to let His grace shine
And I thank Him for the time
We got together
Short time
That passed as quickly as this winters
All my previous ties
Were in that moment completely severed
When I walked into the trees
Following you faithfully
Where ever
I could walk with you
When ever
You just tell me when
And I’ll be there
For us to begin again
Whether as lover
Or as friend
I’ll walk again with you to another
Dead end