to respect the shepherd.
children. . .
I had a huge revelation on Saturday, and then screamed the s**t out at myself. And, it was "the truth(, which) is an offence, but not a sin". But, it is truth about a sin. Since this went down, I've been barking at the flying bird. I've been very upset after screaming at myself, since, but next day on Sunday, just after writing what I did here, this song that was on my playlist but I never really heard before just totally caught my attention and made me weep from the sound. But, I didn't know the lyrics until tonight.
Same message as I was giving to myself on Saturday, but Bob Marley was so much nicer to me than me about it.
10 years ago, I swore myself to you, no matter what you took from me, and yes, I did hesitantly include the very most important thing I could lose in my oath, if I really had to (maybe, but please please please, anything but him). So, I've been careful not to blame or be angry at you, but I've still been shouting my whys and confusions and pain to you. And, you know what? This is no respect. And, that's a sin.
I took too long.
I didn't do the doing, and that's been the greatest offense of all to you. You had me born with such special blessings, numerous talents, all to which I've been exceptional at. And, what have I done with any of it? Insulted you by not doing much of anything with any of them. I took too long, and he stopped waiting for me to become the me I promised to him, to you, and to me. And then, too long became too late for one of you, and away and gone he certainly became. It was very pronounced, purposeful, in no way unclear of his being gone, down to his personality and identity. A horrid stranger took over the person that was once the love of my life.
Yes, I'm now doing things to get where I ought to have been from an early age, but not enough, nor fast enough. And, since then, I've added so many more offences to my roster due to my damages over it. When, all the while, it was probably my righteous punishment for being wasteful and "loafting" (what Derek answered when I once asked him to think of what I am best at out of anyone in the world).
So, you know? Stop barking at the bird, you fool, quiet now, and respect the shepherd. You still have those gifts, and they are blessings, so how about putting a bit of fire under it before he indeed takes away your mind or your blessings, or anything else that is on the threat and brink of going, and you end up having no choice on how your life turns out. Scream at yourself to wake you up, but don't live in that harshness or be an arse to yourself about it, either. Be mad, scold yourself but then remember to comfort yourself after, because,
Jah live, children. Yeah