I'm starting to feel again... :)

Ever since the misunderstanding last year, I've sort of...never really felt anything in my heart.
Like, whenever I'd see him walk by I'd just totally dissolve with joy. Or, during darker times, I'd hide from him...thinking he could read my mind, dislike what he saw there. Such emotional pain I had never experienced before... When I got home I'd just collapse, biting my pillow hard and sobbing silently. Now that THAT mess is over, my emotional feeling is starting to come back. Even thinking about the good old days, I get this little electric shiver, not as instense as before...but there all the same. When I'm in the same room with him, my thoughts are scrambled. I basically have no coherent thought, just a bunch of reactions and scattered images running beneath my eyelids. My first memory of us as a couple is that first slow dance, back in sixth grade...Leona Lewis, "Bleeding Love." The very first song that came on. He held me close, and told me if I was uncomfortable, we could stop. I looked straight at him, love pouring from every cell in my body, and kept on clinging to him. I'm glad I can feel again. I take that as a sign that I should ask him out again.:)
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Firefly728
Speaking of sweet, he's sweeter than a white chocolate mocha from Coffee Madness. Back in the good days, he'd bring me something every day without fail. Whether it was a pencil or a flower or a pretty rock, I had a wide collection of useless things that I loved like priceless treaures. And comments like "You look so pretty today," even when I was feeling so low and depressed about my appearance. That and a million other things from holding the door for me or giving me his lunch made me feel like I was loved even in the darkest times of my life.

You know what? (: Just the other day, he played a song for me on the piano. No words were spoken, but I felt something in the air...longing and bittersweet heartache.

I think I'm in love.
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Firefly728
No, just sweet.
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whatsername
My hair falls out when I stress like this. Ugh. I'll be bald by fifteen. I tried to grow out my nails, but nope...bit them all up again. Bad habit. :P

I worry about a lot more than just love.

Is it odd that I want the weekend to end, just so I can go to school and see him? :)
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Firefly728
*I'm, remove the "am".
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Firefly728
Haha, don't be embarrassed! And you're never to young to be talking about love, you're just to young to be stressing out about love. You've got your whole life to stress out about it. Just enjoy it :)
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whatsername
Thirteen. Fourteen on the sixteenth.

Yes, I know I'm am waaaaaay too young to be talking love.

:/

I won't just blurt out and say, "Yo, Stephen...you know I've contemplated self-harm before and you're the only thing that stopped me from doing it? Do you know that you're the first thought in my head when I wake up, and the last before I go to bed? I was almost raped, you know, and you were very supportive even if you didn't know exactly what the situation was."

DEAR GOD, NO.

His head would probably explode.

I'm embarrassed now.
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Firefly728
Maybe you should tell him. But that could be a bit overwhelming for a guy- how old is he?
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whatsername
Yes, exactly.

And I've never told him... :/

I'm horrible. :(
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Firefly728
Something to live for :D
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whatsername
I hope he will.

He's the only reason I go to school, the only reason I make an effort to look pretty every day. My first love. <3
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Firefly728
That's nice, I've never felt that way about anybody. You should definitely ask him out again, if you think he'll say yes :)
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whatsername