I'm getting better and I'm getting worse.

Hey there, everyone! I missed secrettalk so, so much over the past three months.You guys have always been really supportive through everything that's been going on.Okay, so I'm getting a lot more social lately.I care less about what I say to other people, I'm being a lot more honest.I went to therapy the other day, and I actually talked.I even made him laugh, which I enjoyed.I love making people laugh.:) He cusses around me and everything, which I find really cool.He's not some stuck-up, pompous jerk...my therapist is kick-ass.

As for...Stephen, I totally screwed up.On the last day of school, while my friend was trying to get me to talk to him, I flipped out and punched her in the face.Right in front of him.Dear God, I was so embarrassed.I never even confessed my feelings.I cried for hours afterward, but I'm trying to get up the courage to fix things with him.My therapist even said we could work on ways to do that, which would be a huge relief.

My temper is getting out of control.I'm a lot more violent, and, like I said, I haven't been caring what I say to people.A rather careless thing to do.I've taken up dancing, something that I was always too embarrassed to do before.I've been begging my grandmother to teach me how to bellydance, but she refuses.So, I've tought myself.I go for jogs, I do yoga, and I dance.I try to keep myself active to keep my mind from all the bad things that have happened.

One of my kittens died yesterday.I was only gone for two days...And you know what? He fucking drowned in the toilet.They had run out of water...if only I had checked back in sooner, maybe he wouldn't have drowned.It's all my fault.He was no naive, so gullible and stupid and innocent...
But enough about that.

I'm back.Didja miss me?
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Firefly728
*hugs* Everyone missed you c:
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whatsername
Welcome back yes we missed you. you seem to be on the right track in your life now congratulations lg.


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Lesbiangirl
You so should!
You too(:
Okie, I have to write an essay anyways.
Anytiiiime :D
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Crxfmxhn
Oh, really? Huh. Maybe I will make a video. :P

It was great talking to you again, crx.

I have to go, but I might be on tomorrow.

Thanks for chatting. :)
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Firefly728
Aw, really? :D everyone missed you too.

That's a great goal. I should have that goal.

Lol you should make a video and post it on YouTube. I'd watch it.

I know what you mean. It's sad to see people (or animals) that we care about die, but it's better than suffering and pain. Sometimes stuff happens and it's just shock and you can't really believe that it happened so it doesn't sink in and affect you right away.

Find a release. Feelings, especially anger, are never good to hold in :/ try writing or running or yelling or punching a pillow or do yoga and dance or anything that gets out your feelings.
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Crxfmxhn
Crx, I missed you oh so very much! And yes, I love my therapist. :)

My goal of the summer is to tell him how I feel. Even if he doesn't feel the same, at least I'll have it off my chest.

No one's seen me dance, but hopefully, as I improve my self-confidence, I'll be able to dance in front of people. :D

I miss my little guy, my baby, my runt of the litter... but at least he isn't suffering anymore. :/ I haven't cried at all, hardly, which is really strange since I cry over stupid stuff like dropping an ice cream cone. I just feel like all that sadness and anger is boiling up inside me, fermenting to be released at a later date.

That's not good.
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Firefly728
Hey(: long time no talk
Haha your therapist sounds fantastic

Wow. That sounds itense. Fixing things is possible(: it might not be that easy, but you can do it
Not facing the bad things might be what's making you more violent. Being active is a good way to get anger out, though. Bellydancing? That's awesome!
Aw :/ poor kitty. It's not your fault. Accidents happen that aren't anyone's fault and they can be bad and we feel like we need someone to blame when no one really holds that responsibility cause it's no ones fault.
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Crxfmxhn