I think I am so fucked up

I have major issues:

I used to starve myself and throw up and cut.I'm pretty sure I was anorexic back then.I was also majorly depressed and suicidal.

This continued through high school, but got a little better.

I also think I have OCD...I obsess and obsess and I compulsively do things to feel better...

I get a huge adrenaline rush from stealing...I can't stop.

I have major guilt and panic attacks.

I had a major breakdown this summer and couldn't move for 3 days.I don't know what happened.

I still hate myself.

I get racing thoughts and obsessively plan and plan and plan until I get everything perfect and I think that I can do everything in the whole wide world...then I go through a horrible depressive season where I feel like dying and quitting everything and lose confidence in everything.

Sometimes, I get fucked up drunk and lose all inhibition and dance like a slut and wear slutty clothes and flirt with all the guys in the whole club.

Then I come home and feel like a WHORE and want to kill myself for acting so disgusting.

Occasionally, I compiled all these things about myself or take personality disorder test online...and they tell me that I have OCD, anorexia, bipolar, borderline, avoidant, histrionic, dependent, and antisocial disorders...............

But on the outside, I act like a good little Abercrombie girl, who studies and gets good grades, who is fairly happy and content with life.....

I feel so fucked up.
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anonymous user
See a doctor. There is help out there for you.
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