I don't know how to change my horrible self. What is the point of doing the "right things" physically yet mentally judging and criticizing someone else. I don't know how to not judge. The more I try to swallow my disgusting thoughts and think good things, the more it destroys and warps me in the inside. I get that people are doing their best but these intrusive thoughts won't go away and I always end up losing the battle to myself. I cringe because how mean I sound in my head. I am a cruel and horrendous person overall. I try so hard to be a good person and fail everyday. Hopefully God can slap some humility my way so I can become humble once again. I hate the holier-than-thou people and now I've become just that.