I'm Asking For Advice

I'm pretty sure I'm depressed, I have job anxiety. I'm getting threats every day that I will most likely be fired (it's a sales tactic to motivate by fear).

I didn't make my quota last month which means I will most liekly be fired. I am the primary bread winner with no fall back plan, I've been applying for jobs but it's been 6 weeks and I haven't heard a peep from anyone, even after following up every day.

I have to make sure that I bring home at least $5000 every month in order to keep the bills paid, rent paid and food on the table, so the job hunt is for big jobs or taking on a bunch of part time jobs which won't make ends meet.

I've been sleeping in lately, not wanting to get out of bed, I feel my body just getting tired all the time. I don't want to do anything except drink and sleep. I fantasize about going into a coma for a few years, but then I have nightmares about the hospital bills I would have to pay after I wake up.

I fantasize about getting a huge life insurance policy, then commiting suicide so my family is taken care of.

I have no back up plan, no plan B, and no family to call on if I fail, it's either I succeed, or I'm living on the streets, I'm one paycheck away from being homeless and I feel like I'm in themiddle of an ocean, not knowing what's beneath me, and having no life jacket.

I feel scared, overwhelmed, and hopeless.

has anyone felt this way and been able to get out of that mode of thinking? I HAVE to get to a point of positivity, I have to find a way to feel invogorated and motivated to tackle the day. if I don't, then my job suffers, I suffer, and my family suffers.

ugh, tuesdays!
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JesusChrist
thanks guys, and yes Cynic, it has been bugging me for a while. I'll take everything you guys said to heart and stop worrying about things I can't really control, and focus that energy in working harder.
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JesusChrist
Oh, that sucks.
Hang in there buddy ^_^
Deep hugs!
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loop
I feel like this quite often. I'm a college student struggling to pay tuition, my car, rent, and food to eat. Sometimes I just want to give up, but then I think. What am I giving up to? There's nothing out there for me. It's difficult to succeed in this world. Just take it one day at a time. Don't let the worries stress you out. If you can't solve them, then does worrying about them solve them? No. Just keep looking forward. It'll get better!
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Jason2471
This has been bugging you for a while. Your "advice" has been pretty crappy. Just saying.

That aside, the phrase that comes to mind is "don't count your chickens before they hatch". You learned a valuable lesson. Now, regarding your fears,they are pointless. Either you will be fired, or you won't. Worrying will not change that, put the energy into doing as well as you can to make up for the lost time instead.

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Cynic