I didn't make my quota last month which means I will most liekly be fired. I am the primary bread winner with no fall back plan, I've been applying for jobs but it's been 6 weeks and I haven't heard a peep from anyone, even after following up every day.
I have to make sure that I bring home at least $5000 every month in order to keep the bills paid, rent paid and food on the table, so the job hunt is for big jobs or taking on a bunch of part time jobs which won't make ends meet.
I've been sleeping in lately, not wanting to get out of bed, I feel my body just getting tired all the time. I don't want to do anything except drink and sleep. I fantasize about going into a coma for a few years, but then I have nightmares about the hospital bills I would have to pay after I wake up.
I fantasize about getting a huge life insurance policy, then commiting suicide so my family is taken care of.
I have no back up plan, no plan B, and no family to call on if I fail, it's either I succeed, or I'm living on the streets, I'm one paycheck away from being homeless and I feel like I'm in themiddle of an ocean, not knowing what's beneath me, and having no life jacket.
I feel scared, overwhelmed, and hopeless.
has anyone felt this way and been able to get out of that mode of thinking? I HAVE to get to a point of positivity, I have to find a way to feel invogorated and motivated to tackle the day. if I don't, then my job suffers, I suffer, and my family suffers.