I love when people say

"If you have a problem with my posts, don't read them."

Or,

"If you don't like what I have to say, don't comment."

Or,

"Positive/friendly comments only, please! "

How that should work:

1.If you don't want certain people to read what you say, get a private account somewhere (like Facebook or some such) where you can control who can see what you post.

2.If you don't like someone's comments, ignore them.

3.If you're going to be negative on someone's post, don't immediately resort to personal attacks against them.For further guidance on being negative while not just being a bully, see the majority of comments by Cynic.

Yeah, I know it's not going to work this way, but what does it hurt to share an opinion?
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Unwavering
I just get tired of leading horses to water.
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Unwavering
Oh, great. Now we get to discuss the whole Maya concept and I can point out that your perceptions are all wrong because they're caught up by the illusions of your own creation, and you will refuse to accept it, and I will use that as proof that it is correct that you are caught in the illusion.


Or you can realise that games of perception are exactly what this discussion has been about all along. You choose to believe that harsh is "mean", and refuse to believe that harsh can be far kinder than "nice" could be under the same circumstances.

You've heard of Siddhartha Gautama. His father shielded him from all that was ugly. And then he saw old people and death, and was horrified. Was his father's gentleness an act of kindness? Was the refusal to expose his son to the unpleasantness of life, nice?

Is refusing to beat a child a greater kindness than using a form of punishment that allows the parent to rapidly infuse an important life lesson?




I have a story to tell you one day, little girl. Remind me some time.

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Cynic
All of that is a game of perceptions.
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safetynet0
No I mean it is possible to criticize someone and help them realize their potential without being mean.
======================

It's also easy to be as harsh as hell and hurt someone's feelings in the worst of all possible ways, and be far kinder than the person with sweet words.
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Cynic
I don't see many people asking any specific users for their opinions.

It's certainly possible to help without hurting, in many cases.

I remember a certain user who I handled in an extraordinarily "nice" manner. She went from hating me for no real reason to hanging on my every word. She's not really been around lately, but I heard her situation ended up not working out later down the road. Shame.

If I'd not been so nice, she'd have probably expected it and quit while she was ahead.
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Unwavering
It's not hypocritical. I said "comments" not "posts" or "secrets."

If you don't want comments, you can disable them. If you choose not to, you should understand you are going to leave yourself open to all manner of tripe, and respond accordingly.

Don't act like you think people posting on the Internet don't want attention. If people didn't want their secrets read, they wouldn't post them on the freaking web to begin with. You know from the get-go that people are going to comment. It's ridiculous to tell people not to share their thoughts just because they might be negative.

Welcome to the real world, where it's not always Burger King.
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Unwavering
No I mean it is possible to criticize someone and help them realize their potential without being mean. You know you've been mean when the person never asks for your opinion again.
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safetynet0
Being nice and caring are two different things. It has to do largely with perspective. It's definitely easier for some people to be "nice" than others, but I prefer genuine people, not people who feed me niceness because they feel it's somehow morally superior.
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Unwavering
Yea dude your 2nd one is pretty hypocritical
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vain11
I like it when you use words I have to look up.
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Crxfmxhn
well, being rude and helping people to "grow" to learn to fit in with society better is just an excuse. Let's just be upfront about it. Because being nice about things is just as easy, except for people looking for an argument about useless things.
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safetynet0
Well, if it's handled correctly.

"Fuck you, you're wrong," doesn't really help much.

I was talking about intelligent discourse.
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Unwavering
Hopefully.
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Crxfmxhn
Disagreement provokes growth.
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Unwavering
#2.
Why don't you just ignore theirs?
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Crxfmxhn
Sure, but people need to understand that crying to the general public is not the best way to get positive reinforcement.

If I walked out onto a busy street full of people downtown, and proceeded to shout my problems aloud, I'd be met mostly with indifference, and a good bit of, "yeah, shut up knucklehead," etc.

I'd be unlikely to get more than 3 positive voices out of the crowd.

This site is just a microcosm of a crowded street downtown. The best we can do is learn to accept criticism for what it is, as well as to be slower to personally attack others. Sure, if someone has a problem as a direct result of being an idiot and they don't realize it, by all means we should clue them in. Otherwise, verbally assaulting folks solves nothing.

All I'm saying is, don't be a raving idiot, and don't be a mugger or a bully. Let's make our street a little nicer to stroll along.
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Unwavering
Why do you bother getting involved in what they think...
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ididitallforyou
Well the truth is no one wants to be hurt, even if it is faceless people on the internet. We're only human, and people have feelings. Not everyone is strong enough to handle it, especially if they are already being bullied and just want someone to be nice to them for a change.
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safetynet0