I Just Need To Vent; I Don't Want To Live On This Planet Anymore

I don't feel like I deserve to live on this planet. Period. I don't feel like I deserve to breathe the air we all currently breathe. I am not in a very good place in life at all.

I am trying to find a job, but no one has hired me yet. I live in a small town, so it's extremely difficult to find a job here. I have tried to find a job for a couple of years now, but to no avail. I have a disability (autism), so finding a job just makes it that much harder. I am also a few classes shy of completing a college degree. I am still living with my parents, although I am a few months away from turning 26. I am scared I will lose my mother at any time. She told me tonight that within the past few years, she has had at least one heart attack, even though she didn't know about it. She also has type 2 diabetes. I feel like if she were to die any time soon, it will absolutely be my fault. I have already lost my father from what was said to be a heart attack over a year ago, although I doubt very much it was a heart attack. I wasn't close to my father, though. I do have a stepfather, but I am not super close to him. I just don't feel a strong connection with him, even though he is more like a father to me than my biological dad ever was. I have a sister, but I am not super close to her, either. I just can't tell her how I feel about family stuff. The only person I have something of a connection with is my mother. I am just not the kind of person who develops relationships easily.

I know I sound pathetic here, but I am really upset right now. I was just crying.
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Avalontiger
I sense a lot of guilt - where have the feelings of guilt came from?
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Wishfulthinking
girl/boy/both/idk
I'm worried don't do any thing pleas get help
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cally