I hate who I am

I am a weak and despicable person. I make terrible choices that I used to ridicule people for because I'm too weak to stand up and do the right thing. The longer I wait, the worse the consequences get for everyone involved, myself included. I hate myself in so many ways. I'm lazy, inconsiderate and selfish, self-obsessed, and I lie constantly to everyone around me to hide all of these things that I do. I'm also afraid that I'm losing my faith in God, but don't want to admit it to myself because I'm afraid if I admit to myself that I might not belive in God or an afterlife, then I have to admit to myself that this life is all there is, and that when I die I just disappear, which is the most frightening thought I have ever considered, ever. I would rather burn in Hell for all eternity than not exist. I despise myself also because of this fear; I want to be the kind of person who believes what they believe is true, and not what they want to believe or are afraid is or isn't true. I'm weak, and stupid, and I hate everything that I am.
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Uhnawnihmuhs04
You should not hate yourself.
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mishan