I Can’t Keep This Up

So I don’t know what to do anymore it’s not like I can trust people enough to open up to them. So I opened up to Luke and he dumped me cause he didn’t know how to handle someone as broken as me. I don’t know if he realizes that he made everything worse know I literally can’t stop thinking about dying and I’m almost to the point of actually doing it. My best friend has pretty much stopped talking to me she found better friends so that also not helping she was the one I opened up to about everything she knows everything and I never expected her to leave too. I just can’t do this I know I say that a lot but I’m actually thinking about doing it. Dying is so much easier then living and I’ll never find someone that loves me they all leave me so the only person holding me here is my mom and I’m starting to even give up on that little hope. I no longer feel any bit of happiness hope or joy I’m just died inside all my emotions have turned off and what’s funny is if someone asks if I’m ok I say I’m fine and then they ask again and I fake a smile and say it again and they actually believe me. I recently promised myself I wouldn’t cut anymore but I did it again last night and I think If I don’t get help I won’t be here much longer. It’s not like I can ask for help it’s so much easier to type then say everything out loud when I say it out loud it breaks me even more and that’s not good cause pretty soon there will be nothing to break off. But I’m done if I don’t find a solution I might just kill myself I just hate to do it around one of my friends birthdays. I met her 5 years ago but we’ve been distanting from each other like all my friends. Her name is also Hailey she just spells it with an I. Well if I’m still here I’ll write another but if I’m not I’m never going to write one obviously. Thank you guys you guys make me feel better but I don’t think I’m getting better or happier anytime soon I’m sorry bye
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While having a social life and many friends can make you happy, it isn't needed to be happy. While helping others is something we as humans are meant to do, we are also meant to take care of ourselves. You don't need friends, nor do you even need a family to be happy! Friends are awesome but don't let your life revolve around friends, you need to find something that can stay with you. What I'm saying here is that you need to find what you're interested in and what you enjoy to do and maybe even gather your ideas up and write them down on a piece of paper, we all have this missing interests in life we need to find. I recently found out I like to code and make games. When you're feeling down go outside and listen to music or maybe even go build or destroy something instead of cutting.
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I look forward to seeing you post again soon. You are important and I know right now it does not feel like that is enough to keep breathing, but take it from someone who has been in your shoes saying the same things you currently are.Be patient, endure this tough season, and come out on the other side stronger than ever before. Prove even yourself wrong. And there is no shame in asking for help.
When I was 16 years old I decided that I needed help and I admitted myself into a Pediatric Psychiatric Unit for a couple days because I knew I was wanting to kill myself, and I wasn't getting better and no one and home was able to help me. I struggled even when I left the Psychiatric Unit, but please know there is Hope.
I am still here. And there is a reason you are still here too. Do not kill yourself. It will not eliminate your problems, it will only eliminate them ever getting better and you will miss the beautiful opportunity of growing through the pain.It is possible even though it is hard,
You are loved, Haley.

Praying you up now.

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