Everything is not wonderful. I miss home and my uni and my friends. I haven't made good friends here. All my friends who went on exchange came home with best friends, tight knit groups of other exchange students. I've hardly met any other exchange students. It's my fifth week here and there's endlessly new people. I have to smile and make small chat and ask what program they're in. I don't remember names or faces and no one has made a distinctive impression.
But I can't tell anyone that. Here, there's no one to tell. At home, everyone expects me to be having a glorious time; the adventure of a lifetime. I give them the story, but the story isn't true. Everything is wrong and I am slowly falling into the hole I've been desperately trying to avoid.
I've lied to the casual friends here, the real friends back home, family, and even a counsellor.
"You say you're sad," she said, "but you look so happy."
She had no idea I was using everything within me to not cry.
For some reason, I can't say the words, can't admit there is a problem.
And so I lie.
