Today I admit that I am only attracted to children between the ages of mostly 5-13. I have never touched a child or in any way acted on these sexual urges! I would sooner kill myself then hurt a child.I am in a "normal familly" with a normal job, a younger brother and sister, and parents.I was never abused as a child, and certainly never have even once chose my sexual orientation.I don't like women my own age, they gross me out.And I'm certainly not gay.I simply have to live in constant disgust off the fact that I will always be attracted to kids on a very basic level.I normally avoid kids as much as I can in life.Not because of there ever being a chance that I would "give in" which I believe is a bunch of crap that only a VERY weak "man"? could use to explain him actually hurting a child. No, I avoid them because of the feeling of disgust and self loathing that boil up in me when I realize what a disgusting thing I am. I mean, what options do I really have for getting help? There is no cure for pedophiles just as there's no cure for being gay. I have no option for receiving therapy without taking a risk of being identified as a "threat" to children and having everyone I love find out about me that way.Which is really sad, considering I know that for every 100 people out there who are in the same boat as me, one man with weak morals and bad self control that will snap under the constant preasure and somehow allow himself to give in to his urges.There is no Preventive Action taken to this issue, and it sacrifices children every day.I realize that society wants to "burn me at a stake" just for being what I am.But don't you think that if there were a way for pedophiles to get some kind of help there would be a lot less child molesters in this country/world.(I live in America).Do you Hounestly expect for people who are attracted to children would throw themselves out there to be torched and staked when they started having these thoughts? (for my purposes in this article, child molester = actually hurt a child, pedophile= attracted to children
But has done nothing wrong)So anyway back to me on a personal level, what are my options? I can either kill myself without leaving a note one day(which I am totally at the point off doing) Or I can continue along this path off constantly battling my sexual urges with celibacy and disgust.I'm choosing the latter option for now do to my familly.But how long will I be able to follow though with this? Not forever.I will eventually end my life.Maybe at that point I will find relief from my struggle.If there is any reliese in death( fingers crossed). This is the first time I have ever admitted this to anyone for obvious reasons. I don't even understand why I felt the need to post this here, closure? I seriously doubt anyone will read through my title and not jump into me like a vicious dog anyway.But if there is anyone who sympathizes with my condition as a pedophile, then thank you .