I didn’t realize how much he truly loved me until the air went out and I had a fücking mental breakdown this weekend. Oh boy did it set me off. It was 86 degrees in the house and I just absolutely fell off the deep end. I sobbed for about 5 minutes in the floor before Ethan said, “I don’t know why you are crying. It isn’t the end of the world.” He was using that voice he uses on his little brother when he is being annoying. I flinched away from it, then rose from the floor and decided I didn’t need this shït. So I went and finished having my breakdown in the bathroom. After I lay there and cool off for a bit, I got up and came back and everything was pretty much okay after that. I told him I was having an anxiety attack— which, I was. I mean I felt like I couldn’t breathe and the world was falling apart (considering this week’s events). I was putting a tough face on but eventually that emotion has gotta come out. . . And boy, did it come out. I could tell he was absolutely done with me. But he still laid in the floor outside the bathroom and waited for me to come out. When I did it was silent for a bit, then I confessed that I’d been having an anxiety attack and he started crying because he knew he had been terrible to me but he had no idea that’s what was happening. Then we hugged it out and apologized 100 times. Smoked a bowl, ate some tacos, and enjoyed the rest of the evening the best we could. At one point before bed, we were laying in front of the fan and I jokingly told him to get naked. I was surprised when he actually did. We ended up having sëx in my living room floor in front of the fan. Which, we had been going at it all weekend like bunnies so I didn’t think he would want to touch me anymore. And then that happened, and I had such a terrible breakdown and I thought he would want nothing to do with me. . . I guess that’s what made me really look at him and realize that he does love me a lot.
It was pretty lackluster evening after that as we weren’t doing much, and what with it being 86 degrees in the house, we weren’t eager to be awake much longer. So we went to bed and it was a bit cooler being naked and having the fan, but still not tolerable. I can’t sleep when I’m hot. I was miserable all night. The HVAC dude came this morning and fixed it though. (One of) my worries gone, just like that.
One million to go.