And then you were here. I left the front door unlocked. I didn’t hear you come in. I was laying on my bed reading, facing the wall. You came up and gently rubbed me. I didn’t respond. You laid down on the bed beside me. I couldn’t read anymore and I really wanted to talk to you about everything, so I rolled onto my back. But then I couldn’t look at or speak to you. We just sat there forever. I kept twitching, feeling a bit guilty. I asked, “how are you?” Desperate for something to break the silence. “Alright.” That’s all you gave me. So a e sat there in silence once again. I didn’t know what to say, and you were giving me one word answers, so I got up and went I to the living room. I resolved to finish watching Lord of the Rings with you. I poured myself a cup of water while I waited for you to follow me to the living room. When you were comfortable on the couch, I turned on the movie and sat beside you. You kept looking at me, but still we sat in silence. Before long you grabbed the blanket and started to tuck me in. You actually grabbed my legs and made me lay on you. You started to rub my feet at first, and then you got up and got the lotion and sat in the floor and rubbed my feet for a very long time. When you were done, you sat down beside me on the couch again, pulled my legs back across your lap. You humble me, sir. You are always so loving and kind in the face of my bullshït. So of course, I thanked you for the foot rub. That’s when the dam broke. I apologized multiple times. Told you how much I loved you, and that I’m just being silly because I miss you a bit. You said it was okay. “You have a point,” you said, “the only days you really get to see me are Saturday and Sunday. If you want to see me, all you have to do is ask. Anytime.” As simple as that.
And then you bought me Ortegas and we played Pokémon and watched Lord of the Rings until you had to go home and go to bed. Which was, surprisingly, close to 10 tonight.
I love you so, so much— and I am immensely sorry for how silly I am sometimes. I am so lucky that you put up with me in any capacity. I know I tell you that constantly, but I sincerely mean it. You are so beautiful, kind, and good-hearted. I love you with every fiber of my being.