Fear About Marriage

Im a 32 year old male who deeply wants to get married but am afraid i think cuz of the horror stories that i hear, even though its my dream to get married and have kids.
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anonymous user
Are you in love with someone and that's why you want to marry?

I'm a lady with three grown children from two marriages, both divorced. I guess the one thing I would recommend is to really hear what the other person is saying when you guys discuss stuff. I remember saying what I felt, and then when my beloved would say something that sounded different, I'd gloss over it, "Oh, he doesn't really mean that" or "I'm sure he'll agree with me when important things come up".

That all turned out to be wishful thinking. It's hard when you're in love, but you have to wonder if you're so in love with the idea of marriage and children, that you aren't really hearing what your partner thinks or feels when you think or feel differently from them.

Start listening for where you guys slightly disagree, instead of assuring yourself there's no disagreement. It's not disloyal to do that! In fact, it makes the basis for important, deep conversations on topics important to each of you.

Approach it as a gentle exploration, not as a test or applying standards. Just open it by saying, "You know, I've always been thinking we totally agree on that, but I think I wasn't really hearing your point of view. Could you explain more what you feel about _____?"

I'm only offering this because when you guys are more clear-eyed about who you each are, any eventual marriage is off to a stronger start.

Best Wishes
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TammyT