Double Win Or Nothing

Me: Jesus! Did you just hear that chase?
Derek: Yep! It's entertaining but loud
Me: f**k, there's some serious s**t going down tonight!
Derek: f**k yeah there is lol.
Me: it's kinda scaring me. LOL :D
D: you poor thing :D you might be able to stay here
Me: might I?
D: You'd have to tolerate my nakedness and I ain't changing for no one haha
Me: Never change, ever!
Derek:. . .and maybe that awesome thing you did with your mouth again ;)

~a half hour of silence and inaction from me passes~

Derek: Doors unlocked by the way.

What was I doing in that half hour? Deciding something incredible for myself, and I'm so f*****g proud. I went from one course of instinctive reaction to the very opposite. As soon as I made this decision solidified, I texted back.

Me: I think I'd be safer here. :D
Derek: Haha!
Me: And, mine is, too.

. . . and so, a countdown is now in progress! This is so exciting for me. Because, either way, if he comes through my door tonight or not, I win. If he doesn't come, he loses, because I'm not going over there to suck him off. I nearly did jump to rush over there, as per instinct. But, I stopped and thought about how awesome today was, how every man looked me up and down and so blatantly f****d me with their eyes. And, so many compliments. After he exclaimed "damn", I left my over-confident, well-spoken, smoking hot ladies man of an Assistant Manager in extended verbal garble and disarray. I've never seen him trip over himself or his words like this in all of my time there. And, it didn't stop there with the blatant stares and ups and downs and comments from everyone within eyesight of me. I essentially gave the entire dealership a boner, today. I actually got an apology from Bryan in the middle of the day for his reaction, and he admitted that I was absolutely right. I've never had a day like this before. So, when King Neighbour, who I'm admittedly attracted to, who saw how hot I was today, who heard how I was macked on all day long, asks me to be his slutty b***h and degrade myself again for his satisfaction alone while I get nothing but nipple pinching and hair-pulling, well. . . I'm now feeling like I could be had by anyone the way I would want it. So, is going over there for this purpose something I really want to do? F**k no. No way in hell. Excuse me, Derek. I want my turn, now. If he doesn't come over to fetch it, not only won't he get his fellatio tonight, but he won't have me go over there anymore, because I will know for sure that he either thinks my skills aren't worth getting out of bed and walking two feet into my apartment for service, or that he really has no attraction or interest or care for me and there truly is no possible thing I can get from p*****g around with him. My crush will be broken. He will lose. Permanently. And, if he doesn't know this, then he would be stupid, and I thought he was smart. It would be cruel, and he would show that he's a greedy bad sport who doesn't play well with others. Nothing attractive about that.

It would hurt me quite a bit, but, I will still win if he doesn't come over, because I stood up for myself. I want what I want, and though it does have to do with him, I have absolutely no enjoyment out of giving oral or being used for his pleasure alone. That is so degrading, I can't even justify going over there at all. If I go over there, I'm weak, pathetic, disrespected. I'll sicken myself from my desperation of any hope of sexual reciprocation. Plus, if I stay and he doesn't come, I'll know the real truth quickly, tonight, and no more time will have to go by from me trying, waiting, wondering. As hard as that answer will be to know.

The only way he wins, is if he comes through my door. It would be so playful of him, to continue on the smart banter by action. He'd get what he wants for playing well with others (and if he comes through my door naked, I'll worship his c**k). And, I'll win if he comes over, because I'll get what I want. I'll know that he finds me at least desirable/hot/talented, and that he's interested or has some sort of intention for me. All I want is that slightest bit of genuine interest, and I'll be satisfied enough for now to reward him however he pleases. And, I'd be so pleased, that I'd make his night fanfuckingtastic, and I'd love every minute of it. I'll feel like he wants me. He should want me. That bit of texting from me was super smart, superb, and sexy as hell.

This is the moment where power changes hands. I'm going for the win-win. Anything else is a total loss.
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Oh my god. What a piece of s**t. I heard him lock his backdoor on me, and at least two giggly and vocally suggestive girls are in his apartment, now. And, he's giggling and purring up a storm. He instructed them to come up the front stairs purposely so that I wouldn't know as easily. It's 3am. When I left him, it was after he said he was going to bed. He even washed up and brushed his teeth. That's when the texts started. The texts ended an hour or two ago.

Wow. I didn't expect this to be his next move. Message well received. How's that for a f*****g answer and clarity?!

Damn, indeed!


I was only exasperated and floored for a moment. But, it's actually really effing funny. Oh, how the lady peacock loses all plumage. What a completely epic way for this whole ridiculous s**t since May to end. Puffed up like a ballon, hotter and hotter air until it was at its most full, then popped all at once. Every distraction keeping me going for nearly half a year, every bit of ego stroke I got from my two summer flings - vanquished altogether in a matter of three days. So indignant, so in your face. SMACK -on your a*s.

It's wonderfully and unbelievably funny. I'm not feeling bruised, angry, or hurt. I'm smiling. I am so happy with how great of an attitude I have about it.

And, the moment I moved from indignant to humoured, the girls left out the front. They were only here for 15 minutes, just for a visit, so it sounded. Still. . . he thought it was worth getting up and dressed for these girls to just come over to chat for 15 mins, but not to move an inch for me. I have my answer.

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