I did it. Something so saintly, it's disgusting. I did it for you, my very old and longest sweetheart, if you were ever he. And, you won't ever know that I did this for you. What pisses me off, is that I truly hope it works, that there is healing, that my little manchild finds acceptance in his father's eyes and heart to finally fulfill and complete him. So, that he knows true peace and identity. Screw you. I can't believe that I did this for you, that I did it in spite of myself.

I hate it, but my soul can't ever hate me for having the best of intentions despite my ego and destruction and pain done to me by you. Really, f**k you, baby. You don't deserve it, but it's right anyway and. . . I don't know. I'm just too good, better than you thought, better than you knew, better than I want to be. I'm such a good girl! From me, you don't deserve a lick of it. But, it was calling me for help, and what could I do but know I needed to serve?

I know your damages. I know where they were bred. I don't know what will happen. I don't know if you will be helped or hurt. I don't know what will come from either or. All I know is that I was called upon, and there must have been a reason for it. Maybe I hate you. Maybe I don't believe in hate. Maybe I love you. Maybe I don't believe in love, either. Maybe I am weak, maybe I am strong. But, I was sought for a reason. There's always a reason and meaning to such callings. I hope I served my soul and my God well, as I can't believe that I went to bat for you. It disgusts me as much as it uplifts me. You don't nor didn't think I'm your soulmate, and you left me for another that you consider your soulmate, but I just did something for you that nothing but a soulmate could have ever had strength and bared to do. It took every single bit of grace and honour I could have mustered, considering what I've had to endure and suffer at your hands.

Love, find peace. Love, you were never ill-done by me, and I did not do this to prove this to you, I did this because I honestly had no other choice. S**t, this is so infuriating!