I've never had the best self esteem and that's what I'm going to work on. Like most young women I've struggled with feeling inadequate. I can't count the number of times I've thought I'm not smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough-the list goes on.
I have placed too much value into what other ppl think about me that I have become too scared to be myself or believe in myself. If I can't accept myself then it's unlikely and not fair for me to expect that from others.
I had a huge incident if you that has greatly impacted my life over the past three years. Imagine waking up and reliving a horrible, embarrassing experience. I have suffered from depression, wanting to cut, and even kill myself over this.
If anything, it's taught me I have to rely on myself. I have to be strong and do what is best for me. Around the beginning of the year I took a step back. I looked at my life, figured out what I want to do and be, and set some goals accordingly. Everyday I try to do something to get a little closer.
I was doing a good thing by volunteering with different organizations but realized though volunteering is great, at this time in my life with what I'm trying to accomplish it's not the best for me. I even changed my email and cell phone numbers so certain ppl could not contact me!
I try not to wait until I'm feeling down. I always try to stay positive by reading, meditating, and listening to motivational speakers. I have personal mantras and affirmations that I read and think to myself. Do I still struggle with depression and low self esteem? Yes, but it's different now. I am working on loving and accepting myself and not comparing myself to others. It is a process, but I'm determined to fight this and win.