Calming Down Again

It just doesn't help when my mother, who I take after in negative traits (oh, why couldn't I have inhereted her quick wit and mind, instead?) magnifies my own stress and frazzleness with hers? She adds to my inability to do or move by throwing more complications and lack of options my way. Neither of us can seem to wrap our heads around change, and she obviously isn't open to new ways or entertaining what she's not used to. But, she is so much more unwilling to embrace new ways and strict in her narrow vision, that it's more burden on me than this already is. It's not her husband that left, it's not her life that she built for herself that she has to uproot, it isn't her home that she is being forced to abandon. It isn't her independance that she battled to keep and ulimately lost the fight. She's never had to do this before! She isn't understanding how immensely difficult this already is for me, and she could be making this so much easier by simply quelling her own barriers and not creating new ones. She wants to seem accomodating, but I think deep down, she isn't at all. Like me, she's a brat, doesn't want to lift a finger even in her mind. Not to help herself more than anyone else.

I think the root of my movement barrier is becoming a little too crystal clear.

But, because I am actually more resilient than my mother and have learned to not be frazzled and stressed and freaked-out and panicky as I used to be, this too will be something that I'm just going to have to bear and work around, and maybe once I'm all settled in there, I can start helping my mom overcome her mental movement barriers, while I overcome mine, so that not only I can finally fufill my goals and personal happiness, but so that she can finally do the same for herself.

I'm so lucky and grateful for her and the help she's now offereing, that I just need to take it as it is, for now, as I do have the strength and psychological capacity to endure it. But, it's still in its infancy. I think my bad initial reaction to her negativity and barriers comes from a fear that I'll lose any progress I've made to eliminate my own, and that I'll regress entirely under the false rouse of comfort and security to just bend and be dominated.
Report Abuse
You're looking at it wrong.

I'm a pretty negative person, hence the name. But that means that I am good at finding flaws. It means that I can think things through and say "that's not going to work" before a project starts, or "this is why you aren't going to be making this work" if someone comes to me with a problem.

I've had people like you complaining about how that attitude means that nothing will ever happen. They are wrong. Instead of being upset that something is not going to succeed, I think about what I want to have happen, and think through until I find a way to make it happen. Usually more than one way.

If someone listens to me when I've thought it through, usually they end up getting s**t done. When they don't, they run into the problems I've said that they will. Of course it takes time, and they have to get past the first negative responses.

Just because something is not the way you imagined it would be, or planned it, doesn't mean that the sky will fall. It just means that your plans are flawed. Don't stick with flawed plans.

And that whole spiel about this space will be better than that space. All of that is horseshit. The only space that matters is the space you make in your head. Every single thing external to that, is Maya. . . . . Illusion.
Report Abuse