Tristam messaged me yesterday asking how shifts were assigned at Teletech when I worked there. Well, yesterday was 3 days after my birthday and Teletech is a really sore spot for me— I wanted to go back there last month and they basically jerked me around all month until the very last second, when they told me they wouldn’t hire me. Plus she has been my friend for 10 years and yet she still can’t be bothered to remember my birthday. So yeah, I got pretty pïssed off and called her out on it. She only ever talks to me anymore when she wants something. And like I said— we have been friends for 10 years and she can’t be bothered to remember my bday. I’ve always remembered hers. November 23rd. Every year I’ve given her a card or cake and wished her a happy birthday, like a good friend. Every year she has managed to forget. Or, if she remembers it is because I constantly remind her. And if we ever do anything, it is because I have paid for us. Last year we went to Ortegas and I was the one who bought my food, as well as hers and Kyle’s. Anyways after I call her out on forgetting my bday she feigns innocence, apologizes, says she always mixes my bday up with Jim’s. . . And then she says his is the 12th and mine is the 2nd. I called her out again— my birthday is the 3rd of September. Now that she has no where else to hide, no other excuses, what does she do? Defensive! Well, she says, we don’t even talk anymore so excuse me for letting your birthday slip my mind. And when I prod her further on the not-talking-anymore front, she admits she has completely stopped speaking to me because I told her I would be moving to TN with my boyfriend in the next few months. She blamed her anxiety for shutting down on me. I have anxiety too— didn’t make me ever abandon her, but whatever. She was playing the victim the entire time. She said I abandoned her for my boyfriend, and then admitted a few sentences later that she wasn’t messaging me back anymore because I’m moving and she doesn’t want me coming over to hang out because her boyfriend leaves her alone to take care of their 2 kids and she doesn’t think it’s fair for me to be there not being paid attention to while she’s running around chasing kids and making dinner. I stopped talking to her after that. It was just ridiculous. Before she had her baby last year, it was perfectly fine for me to come over and hang out while Kyle left us with his son. Kyle would disappear for hours at a time to smoke weed with the neighbors or run off with his dad. He would leave us all alone with his son, Blaze, and Tristam and I would chase him around and cook dinner while he was gone. We would also listen to music and play video games— normal best friend stuff. So what changed after she had the baby? Well, she did. She changed before she even had the baby. She stopped talking to me and she can’t admit it to herself.
A lot of the conversation was her blaming my boyfriend for me “abandoning” her. A few months after she got pregnant, she is the one who built the wall between us. She stopped speaking to me completely. She would never message me back. She would just open the messages and never respond. I kept messaging. She kept ignoring. I ended up being more friends with her boyfriend than her, because he was the only one who would talk to me and tell me what was going on and how she was doing. Eventually I didn’t even get that. They didn’t invite me over at all anymore. Neither of them would open my messages or respond anymore. A few months ago, I asked about visiting her— she said she just doesn’t want me over anymore because Kyle leaves her alone with the kids and then she has to do everything herself. How is that me abandoning her? How can you keep up a friendship with someone who doesn’t want to speak to or see you? There’s nothing I could do in that situation. I just don’t understand her.
Of course she ended up posting about it on Facebook, and garnered much pity throughout the lands for her sadness about our argument and about us “growing apart”. Kyle commented and said sometimes people just grow apart and there’s nothing wrong with that. And you know what? He’s right. We *have* grown apart. We did long ago, and there’s no sense in holding on so tightly anymore. I’m a good friend and I’m realizing she was a bad, toxic friend and I never deserved that. I deserve so much better than someone who forgets my bday and who has been 25 minutes late to every important event in my life thus far (graduation, plays I’ve been in/directed, etc). Especially when I devoted so much time to being there for her when she was pregnant, and was on time with her to every single baby appointment she had.
I deserve my boyfriend, who is a genuinely good person, and so many more good people just like him. I’ve been standing up for myself to everyone in my life who formerly pushed me around, and it has been lovely lately. I’m not taking shït anymore.
I’m finished wasting my time.