Avoidance And Other Barriers

Even my body is shutting down to avoid this. Normally restless me now just says sleep. Sleep and don't stop.

I'm stuck. I can't get started. Don't know my way around this, don't get how to do this, can't quite wrap my head around it. I've never had to do this, never thought I'd have to ever do this all by myself. Now, all I feel is pressure. The more I delay and avoid, the more pressure I'll feel. I always do this to myself, as much as I'm trying to break these kind of patterns. This is a big thing to happen, though, something that a part of me does not want to happen at all. It's also the last of the end of something else that I never ever wanted to end, and that's probably a part of my procrastinating. Because, this part is not going at my own comfortable pace, I'm feeling forced and I don't like that, so I'm fighting a losing battle with it.

It's happening though, no matter if I delay lifting a finger all this month and next, if it comes down to feeling panic for delaying and then throwing a rare old fit once I can't delay any longer. This is so silly, because I'll be really excited once it happens, all the benefits, all the possibilities, all the doors that will open for me almost immediately once it does happen. I just don't want to be a part of it happening or figuring out where to start and how to go about doing it. I just want it do be done for me, without having to do a thing to make it happen. I'm pretty sure I'm stuck because a part of my mind's wheels are spinning and stuck. Luckily, time's going slowly for me, and my logical mind is quicker than my over-analyzing self, and I think I'll figure a way to get the rest of myself on board and on track before things get too close to the wire.

I'll make it okay, there really isn't anything to worry about this time, AT ALL, and unlike usual, I know it. I just have a natural tendency to make things harder or more complicated than they are. Some day I'll figure out why I'm like this. I'm getting closer to the answer, and experiencing what I am right now is only going to help figure it out faster, or at least figure out how to combat it.
Like
0
Report Abuse
Mopy
True.

This happened before too, didn't it?

Looks like what a lot of people go through when faced with tough decisions they would rather not make. Like the merchant in 'The Alchemist'. Go see if the library has a section for Paulo Coelho. Might be worth the read.
Like
0
Report Abuse
Cynic
Anyone paying attention does.
Like
1
Report Abuse
Mopy
Nobody knows what you're talking about.
Like
2
Report Abuse
mopyisacunt